Day 365: Hmm...did I count wrong?

Well, this appears to be the last day of my 29th year... However, I still have one more day after todya until July 16th. Not quite sure where I went wrong, I was very careful, but my countdown clock says the same thing... Whatever. So, it'll be 366 to thirty. One extra day certainly won't kill me, in fact it gives me 24 more hours to enjoy the last time I'll see a 2 in front of my age. I feel like I'm counting down to New Year's Eve or something. What will happen as the clock strikes midnight at the end of day on July 15th? Will I turn into a pumpkin? Will all my dreams come true? Will I learn the secret to happiness? Will I feel old and creaky? Or will I feel energized and younger than ever? I'm in it for the long haul, extra day or not, and I'm ready to see what the next step will lead to. But for now, I'm going to enjoy every last drop of my last moments as a 29 year old...

Day 364: Give me something crazy to do!!

Here we go, we're about 48 hours away from the end of my 20s. The end of an era, a whole decade, a apan of time where I've lived in 3 different states, 4 cities, and I'm preparing for another one. I'm crossing over into the era of 30, what I look at as the decade I officially have to grow up. Not stop having fun, but grow up... so, give me something crazy to do! I have mere hours in which I can look like this, and just chalk it up to being in my crazy 20s. Thing is, I've never been much of a crazy acter-outer. I've always seemed to err on the side of caution and not want to get into trouble. But here I am, on the eve of a new phase of my life and I want to let my hair down and throw caution to the wind. (Could there BE any more cliche phrases in this post?) SO, give me some ideas! The crazier the better...and I'll let you know if I have the courage to pull it off... :)

Day 363: A next big step.

Well, it's official. I put in my 2 weeks notice at work today. And holy crap, does it feel good. I've simmered down on my complaining about my workplace shenanigans here on the blog, partly because I got called out for being a bit unprofessional, and partly because it was just a big debby downer. But, my frustration and irritation has remained ever present. I just think I went too far into the dark side in the beginning and there was no going back. So, I put myself out there, applying to everything that I got my hands on, until finally the stars aligned and I had an interview in Philadelphia. However, that was back in March. By June, my hopes of getting that job had pretty much fizzled. But, again, the fates smiled on me and the same work place (another news station!) offered another proposition. And, after some consideration, it really just seemed right.

And, what else might this job move spark? Well, Mr. O. was gung ho on finally getting his own place. At the same time I happened to be in need of a new place to live...so yes, we're moving in together. Not sure which is scarier, the big bad new job, or the fact I'm going to live with a boy! I mean, I've never even had a roommate! But, I'm feeling good about it all. It just all feels right. Nerve-wracking, but right. So here goes, as I count down the hours at this point until I bid 29 adieu, I prepare to truly embark on a new phase of my life. Can I just say, whoa?

Days 361-362: Girls weekend!

I swore I'd never be one of those girls who slacked on the girlfriend time once she got involved with a boyfriend. But, it sure can be easy to get sucked up in the whole relationship thing! So, while I've been walking on a few clouds over the last 10 months, growing ever closer to Mr. O., I do feel like I'm lacking a bit in the time I spend with my friends. Which only taints all the happy a smidge because I miss my girls! That's why once I got over my initial disappointment that Mr. O. wanted to hang with the boys this past weekend and play golf (seriously, I WANT him to do these things! I think I was just cranky and particulary missing him...), I looked on the sunny and bright side that I could get in some QT with one of my favorite ladies! And, boy, did we jump right back into our easygoing, silly, more fun that you can imagine routine. I hadn't forgotten, but it had slipped my mind how much I laugh with Miss Sippa. And, add some C.B. into the mix for the second half of the weekend, and I was in seventh heaven! Cracking each other up, analyzing everyting from careers to boys to what to eat at Ruby TUesdays, it was a fantastic weekend of girly fun. Whatever happens with Mr. O., whether I come to you or you come to me, I promise to make more time for my foxy ladies. It does a soul good!

Days 357-360: Look at me, I did it! :)

I know, I sort of can't believe it either. I've really put nose to the grindstone this week, running outside in 90 degree weather, bound and determined to be ready for this weekend's 5K. Yes, non-athletic, nose in a book Lindsey ran a 5K. And let me tell you, it was no picnic. BUT, also not as bad as I thought it would be! I've really built up some endurance and I was able to go a pretty good distance without gasping for life. :) And let me tell you, seeing that finish line and pushing through with my last bit of energy felt so much better than I could have ever imagined. Granted, I took my goal down to the wire, but I did it. I ran a 5K before I turned 30. Turns out, I DO have some will power and it feels good. Now, on to planning my next one...I want a better time!

Days 349-356 Meet the family!

Well, here we go. Almost 10 months into this relationship of mine, and Mr. O. is finally meeting the family. And guess what? It was nothing to worry about. I have to admit, I had worried a bit how my mom would like him, or if he would like them, or I think really, I wondered how they'd all react to me with a BOYFRIEND! Here I am, almost 30 years of age, and I've never introduced anyone I've dated to my family. Mainly because there was never really anyone worth introducing. But, seriously, it was about time! So, off to Buffalo we went, unfortunately not until about 4 on Saturday afternoon. Which meant our arrival in the B-Lo wasn't until after 10! Poor Mr. O. had worked the whole day and then was a trooper for the long car ride. Needless to say, we were ready to fall into bed when we got there, but we hung in there for a little pizza, REAL buffalo wings and some chit chat with the fam.
All seemed to get off on the right foot! Here comes the awkward part: bedtime. Now, I know my mother knows Mr. O. sleeps over at my place, and I know there's only so many spots to lay your head in my Grams' house, so what now? Actually not really a big deal, we just shared a bed. You know, like 2 adults in their 30's. It was fine, but I can't help it, kind of weird!

Anyway, we woke up at the crack of dawn of course, cuz that's the only way Mr. O. rolls. So I made some breakfast, and in true Gramma's house fashion, sat lazily at the table as the rest of the crew woke up, got coffee, read the paper and made general chit chat. Mr. O. kind of just joined the bunch. I didn't feel bad leaving him while I showered, he chatted it up with Gramma and Uncle Chuck and my mom. Why was I ever worried?


Eventually we went on to one of the best parties/dinners/birthday celebrations we've ever had at 1530 Center Road. Kudos to my mom for making quite a spread, we could have ate for days! We all parked it outside in the breezy summer day, kept the drinks flowing and even more important, the laughs coming all day. It was one of those days that went fast, but also seemed to stretch. We just relaxed and enjoyed each other's company.

So what did they think? Apparently he just fit right in. At one point, I asked my mom and grandma what they thought of him... Both of them just smiled and said he was great. I think I made a face, looking for more from them, but the next thing they said couldn't have been any better: he was just like one of the family. :)


We were off the next morning, and though it brought tears to my eyes to have to leave so soon after getting there, my heart couldn't have been more full. I am so loved by my little family, and now by this great guy, I can't help but step back and realize just how lucky I am. It's these moments that make all the hurdles worth while.

Day 348: I think a 5K may actually be in my future...

2.5 miles on the treadmill. Seriously. I'm a bit in shock. I've never run that much in one shot in my life! And, I honestly think I could have kept running a bit further, but slowed down because I couldn't believe the numbers! So, could this 5K actually be a reality? I'm leaning in that direction... I think it's time I sign up, then there will be no turning back. Could I do really do it? I think I'm definitely going to try.

Days 343 - Days 347: Call me Aunt Lindsey?

Yikes. Though, I kind of like it. :) Mr. O's niece turned 5 this weekend, so I made the trek to New Jersey to join in the celebration. And, during present time, it came out that the present from us was from Uncle Mr. O. and Aunt Lindsey. It seemed so natural at first, then everyone kind of realized what was just said. But then we just moved on. The more time I spend with Mr. O.'s family, the more I start to love them, too. And, seriously, I adore his niece and nephew. So, why not Aunt Lindsey? At this point, we're kind of becoming a part of each other's lives, which includes the whole family. And, when I look into the future, I see him in it. So, maybe I am Aunt Lindsey and I'm completely okay with it. :)

Days 338-342: Getting my upstate NY on...

Home. It's been calling my name lately. So, off to good ol' upstate New York I went. And, why not throw in a surprise? It was Grandma's 79th birthday this weekend, which let's be honest, really makes 30 seem trivial, so we planned a little surprise lunch where she wouldn't know I was coming. First, I snuck in an overnight with the Chad. That boy has my worry meter on overload lately, and being so many hours away, it's hard to ease that worry without getting to see for myself just how he's handling everything. So, I spent the night, on my way to the B-Lo and got it a few hours of QT with the BFF. :) And, he's doing well! Home dialysis seemed a bit overwhelming, but he seems to be handling it well, and it doesn't seem all that cumbersome, so I was able to leave knowing he's doing what he's supposed to to maintain his health. My reasons for him taking care of himself may be a little selfish...I simply can't imagine my life without him, so he best stay on top of it all!

So, onto Buffalo I go, where an afternoon with the whole family with a city delicacy really did a girl good! My grams was so surprised, and so gosh darn cute when she saw us all there. We had a lot of laughs, a LOT of food, and a truly good time. Followed by 2 days of chill time at home with Mom, it really makes a girl appreciate what she has. Sometimes you just need to recharge your batteries with the people who know you best and accept you for who you are. We didn't do anything crazy, just worked around the house, washed cars, went shopping, and I couldn't have had a better time. It's those weekends that really make me yearn to be a little closer. But, still make me cherish it all the more for the distance between us.

Days 306-337: One month to go. Hmm....

Whoops, I've gone and slacked off again... What can I say, I get wrapped up in work, trying to sleep, and then there's this boy who keeps showing up at my house on the weekends. :) But, here we are, June 16th, exactly one month until I reach the big three-oh, or 30, if you will. I feel like the whole thing is a bit surreal! One minute I don't care, after all, it's just a number. But, the next minute I'm bummed, because is this really where I wanted to be in my life when I turned 30? But, THEN, I look at all I've done, and dammit if I don't have quite a bit I should be proud of! I've moved to new cities and held my own, I've learned to be a pretty darn good producer, I have a solid group of the dearest friends, whether they live down the street or in another state, I have a fantastic family, always there with their love and support, and over this last year, I've gone and fallen in love. Sometimes I can't believe my good fortune with Mr. O., but I try not to question it and just accept that this man loves me for who I am. So you know, things are looking pretty good as I enter into this last month of 29. What else might I want to accomplish? Hmmm...there is the matter of this 5K. I've been running again, much more frequently if not pretty slowly, but I'm really gung ho on doing this race. I'll keep you posted...

Days 298-305: 2nd Annual Sea Isle Extravaganza

Here we go, we've done it again. 5 girls, one beach house, endless possibilities. After a first trip to the lovely town of Sea Isle, complete with greeting the sunrise on the beach, taking the town over that night, popcorn store managers and cage fighters, and a sendoff into marriage for one of the five, it would be hard to top the first annual extravaganza! But alas, we came through. Unfortunately, we had cloudy skies and some rain, so beach time was out. But there was plenty of wine sipping, face stuffing, girliest of girl talking and of course, there was dancing! I find it hard to believe I've only known these fabulous ladies for year, because of the absolute terrific time we have together and the ability to completely be ourselves. This may be the last year of my twenties, the last year to really get away with being "balls out" crazy, but girls, you have really helped me do 29 some justice.
Thank you for making me the 5th member of the foxy ladies, for listening to me babble, for making me laugh so hard I pee a little, for never judging, for bringing me Diet Coke while I'm hugging the toilet bowl, for sympathizing, boosting my spirits and just plain being there when I need a friend. We know how to party, but we also know how to be a stand up friend. I'm a lucky girl, and I can't wait to see what the next decade brings for our group. Well, maybe I can wait just a bit...I don't want it to go by too fast! Here's the 3rd Annual Sea Isle Extravanganza and many more to follow!

Day 297: Happy Mother's Day!

I know I frequently give kudos to my mother for her love and support and encouragement throughout my 29 years. But on this Mother's Day, I'd like to give an extra special thank you to the woman who I try to model myself after. Mom, you've been there every step of the way, pushing me to leave behind the comfortable and venture out into the unknown to follow my dreams. And while it's been a rocky road, one that's come with just as many lows as highs, a few tears and a few more smiles, I wouldn't change it. So thank you Mom, for pushing me, for comforting me, for listening to me, for reprimanding me, for cheering me on, for everything. I've become my own woman, but a huge part of me is you and I'm proud to carry that on. I only hope I have a daughter one day to teach and raise and be there for the same way you have been for me. I love you and thank my lucky stars I got you when they were assigning mothers on July 16, 1981. :)

Days 290-296: I'm tired.

Another week, another 5 days of stress, sleeping during the day, and eating lunch at "breakfast" time. I'm just tired. Drained. Exhausted from thinking, from not thinking, from wishing for more, from settling for less. Is it a girl thing? Do we like to visualize the future, or is it more preparing for potential curves in the road? Am I thinking TOO much? Or am I thinking the right amount? Do I want too much by wanting more? Oh boy, when do the answers come?

Day 289: I said it...and now I'm even more scared.

I thought I could fall for him when he surprised me with a night of dinner and Christmas lights to brighten my crappy week. I thought I might just love him when he gave me my first real Valentine's day, surprising me a day early with flowers and pizza and diet coke and bagels. I knew I loved him when he told me he'd not only showed up after almost 3 weeks away with flowers, muffins and watermelon gum...but that he'd vaccuumed. I almost said the words without even knowing they were going to come out, but I stopped myself. Why? Because I was scared. Scared he wouldn't feel the same, or not say them back, or say them but not mean them, or be completely caught off guard or, or...I don't know. But, scared as I was I knew I had to say those 3 huge little words or they would come flying out at the most inopportune times...which is exactly what happened. After days of working up the courage to say them at the perfect time, I blurted them out during a tense conversation about our futures and where our relationship was going and yes, even some tears. I mean, I shouldn't be surprised, it's classic Lindsey. And, despite the unfortunate conditions, it was finally out there, I'd laid it on the table and he'd responded with the same feelings, the same words. But, now what? How do we say it again? When do I say it again? It's almost more scary now! Now I feel like it's just hanging out there, taunting me, do I say it now? Or just keep biting me tongue waiting for him to say it next? Good grief, Charlie Brown, why don't they tell you it's going to be this hard?

Day 283-288: This is going to get better when?

Ugh, another crazy week, complete with severe weather and a royal wedding! As if it wasn't enough doing another week of producing 2 hours with no help, I got to deal with tornado warnings on Thursday, keeping us on the air all morning waaaay past our end time...and then it seemed like I'd just got home, when I had to return for Royal Wedding hoopla on Friday! Now, I may have originally said I could have cared less about Will and Kate's nuptials, but once the national coverage started I was hooked. So needless to say, it was a bit of a distraction as I tried to put together my shows, which fittingly enough were full of wedding counter programming. Once I pulled my head out of the British clouds and got my shows finished, everything was smooth until some silly blow up with my director. I really let it bother me, even though it was Friday and not a huge deal and I know I should have just shrugged it off. I'm too darn sensitive! I could feel the pressure of the tears and I had to will them away...enough of this! I will toughen up and not let these little things hit so close to home. I will give it right back and hold my ground when I think, when I KNOW I'm right! That being said, thank gooooodness this week is over.

Days 281 - 282: An Easter With New Family...

Working in news I've made concessions when it comes to working holidays. I've spent them with friends, at work, with coworkers after work, and even alone. Easter is one of those I've spent alone many times as it's on a Sunday and next to impossible to travel home and back for without falling asleep behind the wheel or at work. So, I was prepared to spend this one alone. Well, not alone, Mr. O. promised to come in for the weekend and we'd have our own little Easter dinner, which was fitting because I'd already put together the cutest Easter basket for him. :) Then he said he wanted me to spend the day with his family...and I got nervous. I don't know why, I've met his family before and liked every one of them! I guess it's just the dynamic of it being a family day, full of tradition and here I am, this newcomer whose interrupting the flow of the day. But, it sounded like it meant a lot to Mr. O. that I come, and honestly I was touched he wanted me to come so much. So off I went with my cherry cheesecake and overnight bag...and I had such a good time! It wasn't awkward staying over with his parents home (except when I sat down to breakfast with no makeup and my hair in a messy ponytail...did I mention I had a volcano growing on my chin??), and it wasn't awkward sitting down to dinner or hanging around the table afterward. I felt completely accepted and really enjoyed myself. So thanks O. family for making a girl feel so welcome and like part of the family. Whatever was I worried about? :)

P.S. Check out how lucky I am? Here I think I'm being so clever playing sneaky Easter Bunny on Mr. O...only to wake up Easter morning to this adorable and so girly pink basket from him! Complete with all my faves, sour watermelons, gummi bears, laffy taffy and a Phillies hat, as he's convinced on making me a fan. No matter how old you get, Easter baskets on Easter morning never get old. Thanks for being so sweet Mr. O.!

Day 276 - 280: A Producing Blur

It's been awhile since I stepped into the producing chair, and whoa, this week has been a blur of news. I'm officially exhausted and once again questioning my career choice more than ever. Morning news can sometimes be sleepy, but when it picks up the pace, it's CRAZY! And, this week has been one crazy day after another. I've left work late everyday, only working out twice this week and struggling with sleep every night. I'm so ready for this weekend! Only to turn around and do it all again next week...I hope I'm just out of practice and it gets a little easier. But there's a spark I'm missing, one that once came alive as I started to put a show together and was fueled as I watched it all unfold how I'd planned. Now it just seems like a frantic race against the clock to finish 2 hours of show...and I can't ever take the time to actually enjoy what I'm doing. This scares me a bit...and makes me realize I have a lot to think about.

Day 274-275: Uh oh, my scary side emerges...

I have never tried to make my struggle with self esteem and depression a secret. It's something I battle with everyday, some days much better than others, and while I try not to call attention to it, I'm not afraid to talk about it. However, the actual emotions, the feelings, the thoughts it can sometimes drag out of me are not things I really want to dump on anyone, especially my boyfriend of only 7 months. So here I am, Saturday night, just a few days after he so adorably surprised me with a visit and treated me like a princess, and I'm feeling this awful self-loathing consume me...all in front of Mr. O. I don't even know where it came from! One minute we're watching a hockey game and goofing around and the next I'm asking myself how he could possibly like me and how much longer til he leaves. How does this happen? Why can't I wrap my head around the fact that he likes me for who I am, that he's not going anywhere, and that I deserve all of this? Is this my addiction? Or is it some sort of disorder that I will never conquer? I can't really explain how I feel when this is all happening, just that there's this incredible feeling of sadness and hopelessness. I tried to curl up alone in my room and ride it out, but damn that Mr. O. for shaking me out of it. Or really I should thank him... I felt terrible though, as it put a damper on the whole evening, and I'm pretty sure he felt like he'd done something wrong. I don't think he understood that it was this war I was waging within myself and unfortunately he had to present for it. But, if he's going to be around awhile, I guess I shouldn't hide part of myself, right? Still, it's not an attractive side of me... Good grief, why can't I just be happy? I'm deciding right now that if it happens again, I'm just going to ask him to hug me and tell me it's going to be alright...because I may not actually believe it, but it's what I want and need to hear.

Day 273: Less than 3 months...

Holy crap, the big 3-0 is less than 3 months away at this point and part of me feels like I've yet to accomplish any of the things I wanted to by this point! I mean, I'm not going to get married and have a baby by July! But, what about my 5K? And, wearing a bathing suit without feeling embarrassed? Or making more money? Hmmm...I think it's time for a bucket list. Nothing huge, just some milestones I'd like to check off the list by the time I enter a new decade. More to come...

Day 272: I take it ALLLLL back. :)

I'm such a sucker. I fell for the whole thing. THIS is what was waiting for me when I got home from work today. Well, these and Mr. O.! He really got me good, making me believe it was completely out of the question to make a Lancaster visit. And what do I walk into? Flowers, music, even muffins and bagels for breakfast! I can't help but smile every time I think of the effort he put into surprising me. Did I mention the watermelon gum? How well does this guy know me? What can I say, I'm a very lucky girl, and I'm sorry Mr. O. for ever doubting you. :) Thank you for a lovely, LOVELY surprise!

Day 270-271: I know I'm wrong, but I can't help how I feel!

Two and a half weeks. That's how long ago I last saw the BF. I can't help it, but it feels CRAZY long! I was gone the first weekend, and this past weekend was his big golf trip. It was so cute how excited he was for it and he so deserved some R & R, I just wish the weekends weren't back to back! Anyway, I'm sucking it up, cuz I know I'll see him in just a few more days...however, I have to say I'm a little irked. When he mentioned how he was going to spend the last few days of his vacation just chilling at home, I merely suggested he come here to do it, therefore spending some time with me. The words were barely out of my mouth before he shot the suggestion down. WTF? I didn't DEMAND he come here, and while I know it was me being selfish because of how badly I wanted to see him, I don't think it was that far into left field to make the suggestion. I KNOW the weekend's only a few more days away, and I can see the reason of not making the drive out here now only to turn around and do it again a few days later. Not to mention I have to work, which wouldn't be all that much fun for him...but, I can't help but feel a little hurt. Good grief, listen to me...suck it up, Linds. Stop being so freaking sensitive! I'm going to bed...one more day closer to the weekend.

Day 268-269: A very lonely weekend!

Friday night plans were a bust, so I went to sleep. Saturday I pretty much cleaned the entire apartment, INCLUDING organizing my underwear and sock drawer and clearing out my closet...and it was only 4 p.m. I got in touch with my lady friends about meeting up with them at their house, but lets just say they were a bit partied out by the time I got there and I headed home not long after to hit the sack again. Then today, with nothing left to clean and no one to talk to, I sort of sulked/watched movies. Through it all, there was a sense of loneliness... Looks like I've gotten a bit used to having Mr. O. around and my weekends just feel wrong when he's not here! After so many years of playing the independent life, part of me relishes this feeling and another part of me fears it. What if I start to rely on it too much and it's all pulled out from under me? I realize this is asking a lot of life, to tell me what's going to happen. As the man in question tells me, I think too much and I just need to shut my brain off. So here goes, I'm going to TRY and live a bit more in the moment, just enjoy what's going on now and not worry so much about what COULD happen. Because I feel like I could miss a lot of good things right now if I focus on what hasn't even happened yet...

Day 267: Tired of being THAT broke...

So I'm back from vacay...and broker than ever. And it was even a trip where I spent little to no money! I've got another weekend away from the boy and I was hoping to get in some serious girl time with a few foxy ladies I haven't seen in FOREVER! So I chat them up, find out there's some plans for going out tonight and Saturday...things are looking promising! Until...I come home to pay my bills. Between the increase in my rent and my newly jacked up cable bill I pretty much need to file for food stamps. Seriously, this is not just depressing, but embarrassing! I had to bow out of any plans tonight because I simply can't afford to go. While I recognize this as an adult and responsible decision...it doesn't suck any less. I've been complaining about this for years and so far during this 365 to thirty, things haven't gotten any better. I'm starting to think I need to make a few more adult decisions and make a change... Stay tuned.

Days 257-266: A little mom time, a little reunion, a little R&R, even a little white stuff...

So no palm trees, or white sandy beaches this year. My annual trip to Florida with Grams was a no go, but my poor mom is undergoing surgery 2 of 3, so I took off the week to head home and help out...plus get in some serious QT with my lovely mother. :) No worries, the surgery (which was to help with her carpal tunnel) went fine, the woman is the strongest person I know! The hardest part of this trip is getting her NOT to do stuff, she's so stubborn! (hmmm...maybe that's where I get it from??)

Of course, no trip home is complete without some Chad/Ilona/Heather time! I got in an overnight with the Chad, then got a ladies night out (Chad included) with the Ilona and Heather. I know I've said it before, but there's a special bond between people who can pick up where you left off, even if you saw them last several months ago, and who just get you. It's special, and every time I get together with these girls (and Chad!!) I'm reminded of how lucky I am...and how much fun we have together!

And, how can I head to Upstate NY without some B-Lo time with the Grams? I was lucky enough to get in 3 days, where I helped Mom with things around the house, but also got to catch up with Gramma and the doggies. My Chloe never hesitates to recognize me right away and I swear she gets cuter every time I see her. I'll admit to wanting to stick her in my bag and bring her back with me...:) Being that I was in Buffalo, I also had to take advantage of the local cuisine. Can we say Buffalo wings anyone? I had my fill and then some...nothing like comfort food from home!

And, yes, it was April...and it snowed. What can I say? I was secretly thrilled... While my vacation couldn't have been less tropical, the snow was the perfect cap to feeling like I was home.

Day 256: When did I become THAT girl?

Well, crap. I miss him. I can't help it. Let's see, it's been one day since I saw Mr. O.? And there's still, hmmm, I think 18 more to go?! How can I miss him already? I mean, seriously, it's not the end of the world, I'm going to see him soon. But, there's this empty spot inside of me that just feels sad. I just miss him! When did this happen? I've always been an independent sort, a girl who can enjoy her own company. But, now I seem like I count down the time until I see him again. Oh well, I think I'm okay with. Just 17 days and 23 more hours to go.

Day 255: Yeah, I done good.

I don't claim to be a Betty Crocker or a June Cleaver. In fact, my feministic values often have me striving to be the opposite. But, I can't help but get a thrill out of putting a good meal on the table, and seeing other people enjoy my handiwork. There's other things too, like keeping a clean house, ironing a shirt to crispness, wrapping a nice present. But there's just something that makes my inner Rachel Ray soar when I cook a nice dinner. This was my latest creation and it. was. GOOD. Not to mention super easy to put together! We're talking meatloaf and potatoes...plus some asparagus and salad. But, I made the meatloaf with lean beef and added some italian sausage and salsa. I cut up the potatoes and baked them mixed up with some olive oil and french onion soup mix, and baked the asparagus with some olive oil, sea salt and basil (if you haven't tried it this way, do it! Delicious!) As for the salad, it was simply romaine lettuce, with some cut up apples and dried cranberries, some crumbly blue cheese and a blush vinaigrette. Yes, just salad, but TO. DIE. FOR! The best part? It was all done at the same time! No meat sitting getting cold while the potatoes cooked longer... it just seemed to all work out that it was all pulled out of the oven at the same time! I don't like to pat myself on the back, but Mr. O. seemed quite pleased with the end results and his compliments made me feel, this sounds goofy, but like a proud peacock, showing off my pretty feathers. What can I say? Am I an apron wearing June Cleaver who will greet you with a hot dinner on the table and fresh cookies at the door? No. But, will I enjoy cooking a meal that we'll both appreciate? Yes. And, there's nothing wrong with that.

Day 251-254: Not sick all winter...but now??

Seriously. I have been singing my flu shot's praises all season long, swearing it not only prevented the flu but apparently any other hint of cough, sniffle or sore throat. Well, it seems my luck ran out and it did with a wallop. I woke up one morning this week with a sore throat, and pretty much came to 4 days later, spending the majority of the time in a hazy, stuffed up cloud. Finally, FINALLY, life seems to be clearing up and I'm feeling like a normal person again. Well, whatever you might define normal... :) So, the question is, is it better to get little bouts of sickness, small colds that are easy to get through your regular day with or just get a knockdown, knockout punch of a cold that puts you out of commission for a few days once or twice a year and are pretty healthy the rest of the time? Who knows really, I'm just glad I can taste food and breathe through my nose again. I don't think I'll mind if I go another 6 months a very healthy person.

Day 250: Maybe not great music, but my music...

Late 90's, early 2000's...'NSYNC, Britney Spears, Ja Rule, Jennifer Lopez, Destiny's Child, remember Shaggy?? Any of it and I'm transported back to the time I was coming into adulthood.
Tooling around in my Volkswagen Beetle, back and forth to Nazareth College and my job as a manager at the movie theatre, hanging out with the Chad, Friday nights with Ilona and Mary, that time before it felt like my life actually got started, and there wasn't time to really worry about money or careers or rent or bills. Some good times. Anyway, we got to playing some classics on YouTube and I thought I'd share just for the fun of it. What do you remember when you hear this song? :)

Day 249: Seriously, does this make me crazy?

Okay, we've established I'm a bit OCD with things, like making my bed and keeping things picked up, things I know are a bit over the top, but hey, it's my house, it's how I roll, not hurting anyone, right? Right. So is it crazy to ask someone who's spending most weekends at your apartment to respect a few of my quirks and NOT say they're silly? For example, putting the seat down. I mean, I don't need to raise it to use the toilet, so if you do, then put it back where it started. When it's your toilet, I'll leave it up. And, maybe I have this thing where I wipe the bathroom sink out after using it. I've been doing it for years, and lingering water spots have become one of my hugest pet peeves. So, I'm not asking you to always follow my lead and wipe it out, but if I've mentioned how much it means to me, maybe you'd make an effort to do it, too? You know what though, I don't even want you to feel like you have to do annnny of this. Like I said, it's my house, you're a guest, I don't expect you to keep up with my quirks. But please don't make fun of how I do things...a little teasing, that's fine, but don't tell me it doesn't matter. Because it does matter to me. And, you matter to me...so don't make me hurt you. :)

Days 247-248: Nothing like some time with The Chad...

I can remember the first time he walked up to the Regal Cinemas Culver Ridge cafe, where I spent the summer before my freshman year at NYU serving up lattes, cookies and pretzel bites, and introduced himself as the newest manager. But it wasn't really until I returned to work the following summer, that I just knew the Chad was going to be a special person in my life. I can even remember our first "date," catching the movie "Hollow Man" one night in August 2000 (good thing we didn't judge each other on the movie choice...). Here were are, over 10 years later, and though we've had our ups and downs, we're closer than ever. He's made me realize that family doesn't have to just be the people you're related by blood to. Have you ever had a friend you can be your absolute self around? You can tell them anything, no matter how embarrassing or personal or weird and know they're not judging you, just sharing the moment with you? That's my Chad. And, despite my job that's taken me away to 3 different cities, he's always been just a phone call away and remains my closest confidante.

Sooo, that in mind, I've been trying to figure out how to understand this latest hurdle he's now forced to face, and how to be there for him despite my 5 hours drive distance from him. Not only is he recuperating from major surgery, he's now dealing with another huge medical issue, one that changes your life, and alters how you look at your future. It's scary, it's confusing, it's annoying and it's frustrating, and I hate not being closer to him to stand by him through it all. That's why weekends like this, where I can spend the whole time just hanging with him like old times, laughing and gossiping and watching SATC reruns and staying up waaay too late mean so much to me. I hope it reinforces to him that I may not be around the corner, but I'm there for him through it all, just like he's been there for me through all my crazy life has thrown me, always just a phone call away and ready to head home for a visit should he just say the word. Friends like the Chad don't come around often, so when you find one, hang onto him. Here's to some serious "hanging ooout" time, Chaddy. :) I heart you.

Day 246: Return to the Empire State

I can't believe it's been almost 3 months since I've made the trek home to Ro-cha-cha, but here I am Friday morning, and I'm hitting good ol' Route 15 for 5 hours on the open road. It's just a weekend, and I know it'll be a whirlwind of a trip, but I get to hang with BFF Chad the entire time and I'm psyched! I haven't gotten to just hang with him in FOREVER, and this weekend will be all about being lazy in sweat pants, lounging on the couch and watching movies, maybe some SATC episodes, perhaps some Friends reminiscing...maybe even a trip to the movie theatre like old times. Of course, we're taking it easy, seeing as Mr. Edwards just had some major heart surgery, and I can't wait to see for myself that he's okay. I've had hospital updates from his family and I've talked to him on the phone, but sometimes you just need to see for yourself, you know? The Chad is my family, there's no friend quite like him, and having to wait this long to be by his side during this scary and confusing time has got me nervous and on edge. So, I'm looking forward to seeing him smile, seeing him roll his eyes at my lame humor and hearing him crack up over things I say that I never mean to be funny. I know you're recuperating Chaddy, but I hope you're ready for a good time. :)

Day 245: Feeling a little Irish past...

Did I wake up planning to drink with my cereal? No. But, much of America did today, and it's totally acceptable. Happy St. Patty's Day! Though, while you're celebrating with shamrock antennae and green eggs and Guinness, I must say I'm lacking my green luster this year. Hmmm...I'm thinking the work start time of 2:30 a.m. may have something to do with it. But, just because I'm playing it a more subdued of a green this year, perhaps a nice mint shade, doesn't mean I haven't done my share of celebrating in the past. So, I'm using today to reflect on my St. Patrick's of past, mainly sending a nod to the fabulous Irish parties of Bingo and to my first in Harrisburg, kudos to one Aaron Fallon. I've had many a tipsy, Irish-jig filled, green bead wearing, afternoon beer drinking, parade on a different day attending, car bomb chugging celebration...most of which ended with my head in green beer, or a toilet. So I wish you all the same joy and merriment, the luck of the Irish to you, and a much easier hangover than I usually experience. Trust me, I'll catch you next year. ;)

Days 207-244: Whoops, I got a little distracted...

Okay, so I fell off the blog wagon a bit. What can I say, I'm falling in you-know-what that starts with a capital L, and I've let myself become a bit wrapped up in the whole four letter word... BUT, I've pulled my head out of the sand, brushed myself off and I'm getting back down to business. Why? Exactly 4 months from today, I, Lindsey Nesselbush will turn 30. So, I've got a bit to accomplish before then, and I feel the need to chronicle it all and know you're all dying to come along for the ride. :)

Anyway, here's a bit of a recap from the last month. I had my very first and most lovely Valentine. I mean, I've been around for 28 past Valentine's Days, but I've never actually celebrated the day with a sweetie...until my 29th. And Mr. O certainly made it one to remember, surprising me with dinner and flowers a day earlier than he was expected, taking me out to dinner and drinks the next night and just generally making me feel like one very special girl. Who'd ever thought I'd be so lucky? Hmmm...work is pretty much the same, getting a little better. I got new glasses. I've been running, but sporadically...will it ever become routine?? I'm also a bit worried over my very best friend Chad, who's just had heart surgery. It's very frustrating to be here and not there by his side through all this. So, I'm headed home to the ROC to get in some QT with the BFF.

So, what's in store the next 4 months? Only that time will tell. I do know I want to make it the best 4 months of my life, and I hope you want to come along for the rest of the ride. This year has already brought a few surprises I'd never have expected...what else could happen? Let's find out!!

Day 205 - 206: A night on the ice...and a day of recuperation.

Hmmm...as much as I can remember we had a fabulous time! Let's just say there was some beer involved, some live music, my very first cheesesteak, some more beer, a LOT of hockey, a Flyers win, some more beer, some dancing, 2 very expensive cab rides and even more beer. Goal #1: Show Mr. O a good time? Accomplished...though, he treated me more than I could treat him... Goal #2: Get drunk? VERY accomplished. Goal #3: Avoid hangover? NOT accomplished. While I managed to not toss my cookies all Sunday, things were definitely waaaay off balance, and I hope I didn't appear to look too washed out pale or zoned out when we hung out at his sister's later that afternoon. Still, the hangover was totally worth the blast we had, especially seeing how much fun he was having! So while I'm not the hugest of sports followers, I could get used to a night out at the game with the boy. Okay, so hockey down...should I hunt up baseball tickets next? When does that season start? :)

Day 200 - 204: Another exhausting week...what gives?

Seriously, this week has passed by in a blur! From crazy weather, to Super Bowl coverage, to no sleep, to falling asleep upon walking in the door, to a resurgence of ants at 1 a.m., to getting my eyes dilated which turned into a massive headache to plopping in a puddle while going to start my car, I feel like I crammed two weeks into one. I'm exhausted and trying to muster up the excitement to head to Philadelphia tomorrow for the Flyers game! While I've never been one to sit down and watch a hockey game, I'm quite pumped to go to my first NHL game, live and in person. There's something so exciting about live sports, the atmosphere, the buzz in the air, the people, and don't forget the food. :) I LOVE nachos! Plus, I'm going with Mr. O, who should be adorable to see all excited and pumped for the game. So, I'm putting freezing rain, and the case of the missing glasses, and Super Bowl specials behind me and heading to the city of Brotherly Love for some ice and pucks. I hope there's a fight!

Day 197 - 199: Hangovers, lasers and blindness...one for the books.

Oh boy, what a weekend. First, a night out with the girls Friday. Of course, there was plenty of drinks, not too much dancing for one, but lots of gossip, giggling and more drinks. Let's just say my apartment looked like a bomb had gone off the next morning! Nothing that a little picking up, throwing out, vacuum and oh year, RUG CLEANER couldn't fix though... ;) My lips are sealed...

Anyway, if that weren't enough, I had to recuperate quick for a night of what else, laser tag! That's right, us 30 year olds were reverting back to our teen years for the night for a night of running around barriers in vests shooting each other with red lasers. Except this time we were pre-gaming and post-gaming with beer... Now, as much as I'd like to say I kicked ass, I'm just not aggressive and pretty much hid in a corner. I tried! And, I had fun! But, I just don't think it's my thing... Give me a nice board game though and you're toast.

So after a night of shooting each other, I come home to ease my aching eyes by taking out my contacts, I reach for my glasses only to find them gone. I looked everywhere! I know they're sitting on a ledge somewhere, laughing at me as I crawl around the apartment looking in every nook and cranny...but for now, once I pop out the contacts the world is fuzzy to me. Coincidentally I had already made an appointment for an eye exam for this week to renew my contacts prescription...looks like I'm getting glasses, too!

Day 196: Need a laugh?

A little funny to share with you all... Meet Mitch Fatel, a favorite comedian I just rediscovered while looking for a little funny today. I can't quite tell if he is actually "special" or if it's part of the act. But, it's freaking H-I-larious and that's all that really matters. Plus, I think you should all be impressed with the fact that I figured out how to repost this video from YouTube instead of just including the link!

A few other comedians that have recently pinged my funny radar:

* Stephen Lynch
* Josh Reed
* Nick Swardson
* Mike Birbiglia

You can find clips of them all on comedycentral.com. Check them out if you need a little giggle. :)

Day 195: Therapy...why not?

Sooo...I'm heading to a therapist today. I'm putting this out there because I'm not ashamed of it, and I think it's something more people should consider. I'm not shy about telling people about the time I spent trying to climb out of a clinical depression about 9 years ago. I hope my story can help others. I didn't like how I felt, I sought help and I learned how to like myself, to appreciate my contribution. Anyway, all these years later I'm starting to feel some of these dark feelings creep back, some of these feelings of self-hatred, and "I'm not good enoughs." I realize my un-ideal job situation may have contributed to this, maybe approaching 30 without having reached certain goals, even being in a serious relationship for the first time, as I'm wondering and worrying about things in a whole new way! Whatever it is, I can feel the prickle of fear that I'm teetering on an edge of staying positive and confident and falling backwards into doubt. So, I'm being proactive and talking to someone. WHY am I feeling this way, and HOW can I stop it before it gets out of hand? I'm scared, nervous, worried and anxious...but I'm also strong enough to know I need help and I'm not going to stop til I look in the mirror, like the person staring back at me again, and know she deserves to be happy.

Day 194: I'm breaking up with the USPS

For the second time in a week, my trip to the post office has left me agitated and ready to pull my hair out. I don't know if it's just my luck or pure coincidence, but we don't mesh well together. Both times I've arrived at the post office with an easy, pre-addressed, 2 day priority package. No perishables, no insurance, should take me less than 5 minutes. Wrong. I wound up sitting there for almost 20 minutes each time. Granted, I had to wait in line and that's okay, I'm patient. However, NOT patient enough to sit there while someone tries to send something overseas, can't calculate the insurance they want, and oh yeah, has very broken English, which makes understanding how to mail overseas with insurance very easy, of course. I can even wait for that person, because, hey, it's not their fault, they're trying, and there's a second cashier. But wait, that second cashier is dealing with someone sending a package... a box that looks like it's been through the dishwasher and doesn't look like it's going to make it from the counter to the bin, let alone all the way to Ohio. The woman sending it is told to re-tape it...to which she responds, "yeah, I thought I should do that." SO WHY DIDN'T YOU??? Sorry USPS, we're on a break. I'm going to date UPS.

Day 193: What happened to manners?

More and more frequently I am encountered by just plain rudeness. Now, I'm not talking about friends or say co-workers, anyone you happen to be on good terms with. But, in the general public...when you go to the store, stop at the gas station, mill around a festival, wait in line at the bank, etc...what happened to holding the door for someone? And if you're the person who actually DOES hold the door, what happened to a thank you? How about saying "excuse me" when you're trying to get around someone? I was at the grocery store today and I picked up something another person dropped in the aisle...the other person simply looked at me and walked away! I was floored! More often, I feel like people are only out to help themselves, and screw over whomever gets in their way. Is this becoming the society norm? Will general manners go completely out the window? And, if you happen to be on the receiving end of rudeness, what happened to taking the high road instead of getting revenge? I'm making a pledge right now to maintain my manners, and I ask you to do the same. A world without simple, everyday niceties is not a world I want to live in...so I'll try and do my part to keep it on the happy side, will you?

Day 192: I think too much

Turns out I didn't have to fret. He came, we went to dinner, had some drinks and an overall good time. Plus, there was lots of lazy snuggling on the couch all today. I'm kind of lucky. :)

Day 191: Too much to ask?

So huge bummer. Mr. O may not be coming today! He's having a super crappy day at work, putting in extra hours and likely not getting done til late this afternoon. He called to fill me in, and the moment he said "I don't think I'm going to come tonight" I felt so disappointed! I was almost a little surprised at how disappointed I was! So, I can completely understand not wanting to make the drive after a long, crappy day at work, but if I don't see him tonight, I don't see him again for another week. Is it too much to ask him to try and come? To tell him how much it would mean to me? I'm trying to sweeten the deal by promising dinner, beer and a movie night in when he gets here, but really, I just want to spend time with him...do I have a right to ask? Is that stepping over a line? And, do I really want to the answer if it's a firm "no, I'm not coming?" So, now I'm disappointed and anxious that he would say no IF I asked...yet still holding out the hope that all will turn around and he'll call me on the road to Lancaster. Good grief, Linds, stop worrying! If I don't get to see him, I'll survive. There's always next weekend, silly. :)

Days 186-190: Work, sleep, work, sleep...

I went in early, I worked my butt off, I stayed late, I worked out and I went to sleep. And, I can't seem to get enough sleep. I haven't cleaned my apartment, I haven't done laundry, I haven't had time to really blog, it's just been one of those weeks, and maybe that's okay. I haven't had much time to overthink, overanalyze, worry, wonder, or daydream. It's just been going through the motions...and while the brief vacay from life's drama has been nice, I'm exhausted and so glad it's Friday. I'm psyched for some serious chill time with me, myself and I tonight, a.k.a, bubble bath, pjs, Sex and the City 2 and falling into a coma of sleep. And, I'm psyched I'm just hours from seeing the boy. TGIF!

Day 185: Sad. :(

I know I'm going to see him again, probably next weekend. I know I'm going to text him in the morning. I know I'm going to talk to him tomorrow afternoon...and most likely every afternoon this week. But, leaving him and driving home from New Jersey today just made me so sad. I couldn't shake it. It was a great few days, from our trip to Atlantic City, to the excitement leading up to his party, to his too early arrival and surprising us trying to surprise him, to hanging with him as he introduced me to everyone to seeing him in his environment with his people to snuggling up with him on a slightly uncomfortable pull out couch to waking up to his adorable niece and nephew in their pjs. But, then I had to climb into my cold car and drive back to PA all alone, to my empty apartment and looming silence. I know I'm tired, so that doesn't help, and I know it's kind of the fall from the high of the planning and the looking forward to the weekend, but I also know it just plain sucks to only see each other once a week. And, damn it if it doesn't get harder and harder to say goodbye to him each weekend. *sigh* Until this point in my life, the only people I've ever had that dreaded, leaving you-driving away feeling with is my Mom, my Gramma, my brother and the Chad. What does this mean?

Day 183-184: Shhh...it's a secret!

I'm writing this under the guise that I'm in Rochester for the weekend (and posting after the fact...), helping my mom dog sit and unable to spend the weekend in NJ with Mr. O...when in fact, I'm shacked up in my apartment, lying low until I actually do travel to New Jersey to join his family and friends at his surprise birthday party! Nervous, you ask? Uh...yeah! I'm basically walking into a room full of strangers who know and love my boyfriend...without my boyfriend with me! It's cool, cuz a.) I love surprises, giving and getting and b.) I know he's going to get the biggest kick out of it all and anyway I can help make his night makes me so happy! Stop rolling your eyes. You fall for someone and not get a thrill when you do something that makes their eyes light up...I dare you. So anyway, I'm butterfly-tummy nervous, over the meeting people part. I mean, what if they don't like me? But I think it's also a bit of excitement, because I can't wait to actually see him again and to see a bit of his world, where he comes from. Now, on to more important things...WHAT am I going to wear??

Day 182: An AC adventure!

Call me a virgin...an Atlantic City newbie! And, my very sweet boyfriend wanted to take me for an overnight to celebrate HIS birthday! Needless to say, I've been looking forward to it for weeks, probably more than he realized, but I didn't want to come across too excited or eager. But, it's exciting! The lights and buzzers and dings of the casino, and the billboards and fancy restaurant signs in the city, and the boardwalk...it's like out of a story book! It's actually my first time to any boardwalk, and I can only imagine how much fun it is in the summer. Being the stand up guy he is, he indulged me in my stroll along the oceanfront despite the 14 degree temperatures and biting winds off the water. But, it was fun! And we couldn't have ordered up a prettier day. The sun sparkled off the water and made everything look bright and clean. We did a little more gambling (I lost again...grr.)and decided our luck had run out. But, I still felt like quite a lucky girl. I enjoyed every minute of my time with Mr. O and really couldn't have had a better time. Thanks for choosing me to celebrate your big day with...hope you had as much fun as me!

Day 179-181: An HD whirlwind

We're going HD. In less than a week. And, my brain is now swirling with a whole bunch of changes, new ways to do things and questions on how this is really going to go down. I'm exhausted and a little confused, and trying to remember everything I randomly think of to ask about... I'm staying longer to do run throughs and feel like I'm coming home from work and going right to bed. It's all a bit of a haze and I'm just crossing my fingers all will work out. I'm keeping my 2011 positive attitude!

Day 178: Happy Birthday Mr. O!

It's officially the birthday week of the boy and I'm super psyched. I love birthdays! Everyone deserves to feel all kinds of extra special, and I hope he felt it all. Coming off Christmas, things are a little tight, but I'm hoping the dinner and drinks last night, plus the double decker cake are enough... I find I can really get carried away with buying and shopping for those I care about, but I forced myself to reign it in a bit. Don't want him to think I'm the crazy girl going over the top! It's only been 4 months! But, I picture how he might grin or how his eyes might light up and I can't help myself. Anyway, he's the first "BF" I've ever celebrated a birthday with...hope I pulled it off right, Mr. O! Happy Birthday!

Day 177: Yet another BJ moment...

Seriously, I just need to accept my absent-mindedness and kooky situations I can't seem to avoid getting into. I wanted to wash my down comforter, which after a non-fun mishap Friday night I discovered would not fit in my washer. So off to the laundromat I went this morning. Wallet in hand and keys in pocket, I toted the blanket in, made some change, and stuffed the blanket into a washer, poured in the soap and proceeded to leave it be while I ran to the store. Wait. Where's the wallet? Stomach drop and flash of panic later, not to mention a frantic run around the laundromat, it dawns on me, what if it's in the washer? Good grief. Only me, right? I open the lid, but it's full of water and soap and oh yeah, giant wet down comforter! I don't see anything, and realize I have to sit out the cycle to meet my fate. A tense 18 minutes later, I pull out the blanket only to have my wallet plop out in a splash. On the bright side, it's a cloth wallet, so it got a lovely wash out of the deal and no leather was ruined. However, there were plenty of receipts, and a lotto ticket, some stamps and movie tickets that really didn't need to get wet and gross. They're currently drying all over my kitchen table...let's hope they survived the spin cycle.

Day 176: Unexpected houseguests

It's Friday, I have no plans, and I'm totally okay with that. I'm doing a bubble bath, new pjs, some junk food and most likely an early bed time. I'm actually really looking forward to a good night's sleep, a long night's sleep and lazily waking up tomorrow...


6 hours later:
Scratch that all. Yes, I got the bubble bath and pjs and a snooze that started about 9 p.m. But, a most pleasant and unexpected surprise had me fumbling for the phone about 2 a.m. My lovely girlfriends had been out for the night, each with separate plans, and after a few cocktails, needed a place to crash. And, as much as they apologized, I'm so glad they called me! Maybe I said I wanted the peaceful and boring night in, but this was so much better! Suddenly, I had a slumber party with lots of girl talk and giggling. I couldn't have asked for a better Friday night...or Saturday morning. :) Thanks girls, for thinking of me. My couch is at your service anytime!

Day 175: Woohoo! No cavities!

A trip to the dentist has never been an issue with me. In fact, I've always kind of enjoyed it. I've been fortunate enough to have little trouble with my teeth growing up, and I loved the thorough cleaning I would get every 6 months...teeth all shiny and smooth. But, the last couple years, the trips have been more intense, a couple tiny cavities popping up, 2 of which wouldn't take to the Novocaine (not an experience I'd like to repeat!), a cap replacement and a sensitive spot or 2 on some teeth where the gums have receded a bit. Hmm, maybe a little too detailed, but these were huge deals to me! I've always had such a good track record! Anyway, in my move from Chicago to PA, my 6 month regular visit slipped my mind entirely and suddenly it dawned on me I hadn't been to the dentist in almost a year! Full of shame and regret, I started the phone calls to find one in my area who took my insurance and soon enough I had my appointment. After my last visit, I promptly took steps to boost up the flossing, add a rinse and get a sweet new electric toothbrush...seriously, it's no joke. So, while I haven't neglected my teeth, I certainly was apprehensive about going into the dentist after almost a year! I know they see so many different people all the time, but I can't help but feel the embarrassment and shame when they ask how long it's been since I've been to the dentist! But, my worries were erased, when the hygienist told me I was making her job easy and the dentist proclaimed my teeth in perfect shape! Moral of the story? If you actually take the few minutes to floss and rinse in addition to brushing, despite how easy it is to say, I'll do it next time, you'll reap the benefits. Funny how that works... :)

Day 174: Scatterbrained? Or just blonde?

Woke up this morning to find the milk in the cupboard. And, the cereal in the fridge. Let's just say, this isn't the first time this has happened. Yet, the bowl and spoon were placed ever so precisely in the dishwasher. What is my deal? Please tell me there are others out there who do these scatterbrained things... I need some comfort in my apparent crazy.

Day 173: So long Velvet Tuberose, it's been nice knowing you.

Discontinued. Such a sad word. And even sadder when you find it's happening to something that's your favorite. This time around, it's my all time favorite scent from Bath and Body Works. Velvet Tuberose. The store's having a huge sale, and as I wandered about looking for a fabulous deal on my fave smell, I couldn't find it anywhere. So I inquired. And then the cruel response that made my heart sink: "It's been discontinued." I actually said "well, crap" back to the sales girl. I'm so disappointed!! I have the lotion, the body wash, the bubble bath, the anti bacterial gel, the body spray and now even the perfume. It's my scent. The smell that lingers when I leave a room, that makes you think of me when I'm not around. It's the scent that soothes me, takes me to a happy place and tugs this little spot inside that makes me think of childhood memories. I can't quite place what it reminds me of, but I always get that cozy feeling of remembering being a kid. And now, it's going away. WHY?? Why do "they" come out with things that people get attached to, then snatch them away? It happened with my favorite eye shadow. I had to search down an alternative that to this day, does not quite give the same effect. It happened with my first favorite smell of Freesia, which left me floundering about until Velvet Tuberose hit the scene. I mean, I realize there are worse fates in the world than having to find a new scent, but it's just not fair. *sigh* Let the search begin...

Day 172: Lacing up the running shoes. Again

I'm going to start running. Again. For real this time. I know, I make this promise alot, then end up doing it sporadically...but I really want to do this. I feel like there are so many people around me getting into it, that it's almost like I'm being called to do this. When I get into it, I enjoy it. I like pushing myself to see how much further I can go each time. And I like the energy I have afterwards. Plus, I just got these sweet running shoes for Christmas, so there's really no excuse. So here I come treadmill. Yes, again. Yes, I know you've heard it before. But, I'm serious this time. Seriously.

Day 171: A fresh look on a fresh year

Okay, so now that my stomach's stopped swirling and my eyes are no longer crossed, I'm officially starting 2011 today, January 2nd, with a fresh attitude. My new year's resolution: to not let the negative in my life BECOME my life. In fact, don't even let it be a negative at all. Whose life is perfect? There is always going to be good and not so good, but the way to live a happy life is to not let the bad dominate. So that's what I'm going to do! I've got great family, great friends, this great guy who seems to keep coming back despite my quirky tendencies, I have a job, a roof over my head, and plenty more positives that so many people aren't fortunate to have in their life. So, no more of this pity party, when's it going to turn around business... I'm done. I'm putting on a smile, thanking my lucky stars for all the wonderful around me and taking the attitude that good things will come my way. I know it.

Day 170: Greeting 2011 from the toilet bowl...

Oh boy. Too much wine. On top of too much champagne. Turning on the water, and the fan and to drown out the sound of my coughing as I try to throw up without making a peep. I know it happens, but I'm not ready to show the boy this pasty, stomach heaving, rat's hair mess of myself known as my hangover. Trust me, nothing sexy about this look. So much for my romantic plans of spending the first day of 2011 going ice skating and getting hot chocolate...I can't move from the couch. I feel terrible that he's here to spend the weekend with me and all I want to do is lay on the bathroom floor in my sweatshirt with the holes in it. Come on, tummy, get yourself together! This is no way to kick off the new year!

Day 167 - 169: A 2011 Preparation Haze

Sluggish and tired. Starting back the week, in the middle of the week on no sleep and after 5 days of being away and overindulging. Miss family, miss Mr. O, miss Christmas, and now fretting over how to ring in 2011. Go out? Stay in? Spend money? Save money? What does he want to do? What do I want to do? What about the girls, are we giving up all trying to do it up altogether? Why am I worrying so much? So much emphasis placed on one night...why the need to make it so shiny? In the end, I know I want to spend the evening, the big moment with one person. So, I'm thinking sweats (cute sweats!), snacky, finger foods (hey, it's the last night to splurge!), some wine, some champagne, some goofball dancing in the living room, maybe a funny movie and a cheeseball countdown to 2011 while we watch a big, lit up ball slide slowly down a pole (how that became a tradition, I'll never know.) Does a little part of me want to get dressed up and hit a dance floor with my special someone? Do a little flirting and swaying, feel his arm around me on a night that's supposed to feel all magic-ky? Sure, a little part. But, I'm totally down for doing it at home...in the end, I just want to be snuggled up with him when the clock strikes midnight. And, this way, I get to do it all in purple fuzzy slippers and keep those blister-giving heels in the box. :) Welcome 2011, I'm psyched to ring you in!