Day 197 - 199: Hangovers, lasers and blindness...one for the books.

Oh boy, what a weekend. First, a night out with the girls Friday. Of course, there was plenty of drinks, not too much dancing for one, but lots of gossip, giggling and more drinks. Let's just say my apartment looked like a bomb had gone off the next morning! Nothing that a little picking up, throwing out, vacuum and oh year, RUG CLEANER couldn't fix though... ;) My lips are sealed...

Anyway, if that weren't enough, I had to recuperate quick for a night of what else, laser tag! That's right, us 30 year olds were reverting back to our teen years for the night for a night of running around barriers in vests shooting each other with red lasers. Except this time we were pre-gaming and post-gaming with beer... Now, as much as I'd like to say I kicked ass, I'm just not aggressive and pretty much hid in a corner. I tried! And, I had fun! But, I just don't think it's my thing... Give me a nice board game though and you're toast.

So after a night of shooting each other, I come home to ease my aching eyes by taking out my contacts, I reach for my glasses only to find them gone. I looked everywhere! I know they're sitting on a ledge somewhere, laughing at me as I crawl around the apartment looking in every nook and cranny...but for now, once I pop out the contacts the world is fuzzy to me. Coincidentally I had already made an appointment for an eye exam for this week to renew my contacts prescription...looks like I'm getting glasses, too!

Day 196: Need a laugh?

A little funny to share with you all... Meet Mitch Fatel, a favorite comedian I just rediscovered while looking for a little funny today. I can't quite tell if he is actually "special" or if it's part of the act. But, it's freaking H-I-larious and that's all that really matters. Plus, I think you should all be impressed with the fact that I figured out how to repost this video from YouTube instead of just including the link!

A few other comedians that have recently pinged my funny radar:

* Stephen Lynch
* Josh Reed
* Nick Swardson
* Mike Birbiglia

You can find clips of them all on comedycentral.com. Check them out if you need a little giggle. :)

Day 195: Therapy...why not?

Sooo...I'm heading to a therapist today. I'm putting this out there because I'm not ashamed of it, and I think it's something more people should consider. I'm not shy about telling people about the time I spent trying to climb out of a clinical depression about 9 years ago. I hope my story can help others. I didn't like how I felt, I sought help and I learned how to like myself, to appreciate my contribution. Anyway, all these years later I'm starting to feel some of these dark feelings creep back, some of these feelings of self-hatred, and "I'm not good enoughs." I realize my un-ideal job situation may have contributed to this, maybe approaching 30 without having reached certain goals, even being in a serious relationship for the first time, as I'm wondering and worrying about things in a whole new way! Whatever it is, I can feel the prickle of fear that I'm teetering on an edge of staying positive and confident and falling backwards into doubt. So, I'm being proactive and talking to someone. WHY am I feeling this way, and HOW can I stop it before it gets out of hand? I'm scared, nervous, worried and anxious...but I'm also strong enough to know I need help and I'm not going to stop til I look in the mirror, like the person staring back at me again, and know she deserves to be happy.

Day 194: I'm breaking up with the USPS

For the second time in a week, my trip to the post office has left me agitated and ready to pull my hair out. I don't know if it's just my luck or pure coincidence, but we don't mesh well together. Both times I've arrived at the post office with an easy, pre-addressed, 2 day priority package. No perishables, no insurance, should take me less than 5 minutes. Wrong. I wound up sitting there for almost 20 minutes each time. Granted, I had to wait in line and that's okay, I'm patient. However, NOT patient enough to sit there while someone tries to send something overseas, can't calculate the insurance they want, and oh yeah, has very broken English, which makes understanding how to mail overseas with insurance very easy, of course. I can even wait for that person, because, hey, it's not their fault, they're trying, and there's a second cashier. But wait, that second cashier is dealing with someone sending a package... a box that looks like it's been through the dishwasher and doesn't look like it's going to make it from the counter to the bin, let alone all the way to Ohio. The woman sending it is told to re-tape it...to which she responds, "yeah, I thought I should do that." SO WHY DIDN'T YOU??? Sorry USPS, we're on a break. I'm going to date UPS.

Day 193: What happened to manners?

More and more frequently I am encountered by just plain rudeness. Now, I'm not talking about friends or say co-workers, anyone you happen to be on good terms with. But, in the general public...when you go to the store, stop at the gas station, mill around a festival, wait in line at the bank, etc...what happened to holding the door for someone? And if you're the person who actually DOES hold the door, what happened to a thank you? How about saying "excuse me" when you're trying to get around someone? I was at the grocery store today and I picked up something another person dropped in the aisle...the other person simply looked at me and walked away! I was floored! More often, I feel like people are only out to help themselves, and screw over whomever gets in their way. Is this becoming the society norm? Will general manners go completely out the window? And, if you happen to be on the receiving end of rudeness, what happened to taking the high road instead of getting revenge? I'm making a pledge right now to maintain my manners, and I ask you to do the same. A world without simple, everyday niceties is not a world I want to live in...so I'll try and do my part to keep it on the happy side, will you?

Day 192: I think too much

Turns out I didn't have to fret. He came, we went to dinner, had some drinks and an overall good time. Plus, there was lots of lazy snuggling on the couch all today. I'm kind of lucky. :)

Day 191: Too much to ask?

So huge bummer. Mr. O may not be coming today! He's having a super crappy day at work, putting in extra hours and likely not getting done til late this afternoon. He called to fill me in, and the moment he said "I don't think I'm going to come tonight" I felt so disappointed! I was almost a little surprised at how disappointed I was! So, I can completely understand not wanting to make the drive after a long, crappy day at work, but if I don't see him tonight, I don't see him again for another week. Is it too much to ask him to try and come? To tell him how much it would mean to me? I'm trying to sweeten the deal by promising dinner, beer and a movie night in when he gets here, but really, I just want to spend time with him...do I have a right to ask? Is that stepping over a line? And, do I really want to the answer if it's a firm "no, I'm not coming?" So, now I'm disappointed and anxious that he would say no IF I asked...yet still holding out the hope that all will turn around and he'll call me on the road to Lancaster. Good grief, Linds, stop worrying! If I don't get to see him, I'll survive. There's always next weekend, silly. :)

Days 186-190: Work, sleep, work, sleep...

I went in early, I worked my butt off, I stayed late, I worked out and I went to sleep. And, I can't seem to get enough sleep. I haven't cleaned my apartment, I haven't done laundry, I haven't had time to really blog, it's just been one of those weeks, and maybe that's okay. I haven't had much time to overthink, overanalyze, worry, wonder, or daydream. It's just been going through the motions...and while the brief vacay from life's drama has been nice, I'm exhausted and so glad it's Friday. I'm psyched for some serious chill time with me, myself and I tonight, a.k.a, bubble bath, pjs, Sex and the City 2 and falling into a coma of sleep. And, I'm psyched I'm just hours from seeing the boy. TGIF!

Day 185: Sad. :(

I know I'm going to see him again, probably next weekend. I know I'm going to text him in the morning. I know I'm going to talk to him tomorrow afternoon...and most likely every afternoon this week. But, leaving him and driving home from New Jersey today just made me so sad. I couldn't shake it. It was a great few days, from our trip to Atlantic City, to the excitement leading up to his party, to his too early arrival and surprising us trying to surprise him, to hanging with him as he introduced me to everyone to seeing him in his environment with his people to snuggling up with him on a slightly uncomfortable pull out couch to waking up to his adorable niece and nephew in their pjs. But, then I had to climb into my cold car and drive back to PA all alone, to my empty apartment and looming silence. I know I'm tired, so that doesn't help, and I know it's kind of the fall from the high of the planning and the looking forward to the weekend, but I also know it just plain sucks to only see each other once a week. And, damn it if it doesn't get harder and harder to say goodbye to him each weekend. *sigh* Until this point in my life, the only people I've ever had that dreaded, leaving you-driving away feeling with is my Mom, my Gramma, my brother and the Chad. What does this mean?

Day 183-184: Shhh...it's a secret!

I'm writing this under the guise that I'm in Rochester for the weekend (and posting after the fact...), helping my mom dog sit and unable to spend the weekend in NJ with Mr. O...when in fact, I'm shacked up in my apartment, lying low until I actually do travel to New Jersey to join his family and friends at his surprise birthday party! Nervous, you ask? Uh...yeah! I'm basically walking into a room full of strangers who know and love my boyfriend...without my boyfriend with me! It's cool, cuz a.) I love surprises, giving and getting and b.) I know he's going to get the biggest kick out of it all and anyway I can help make his night makes me so happy! Stop rolling your eyes. You fall for someone and not get a thrill when you do something that makes their eyes light up...I dare you. So anyway, I'm butterfly-tummy nervous, over the meeting people part. I mean, what if they don't like me? But I think it's also a bit of excitement, because I can't wait to actually see him again and to see a bit of his world, where he comes from. Now, on to more important things...WHAT am I going to wear??

Day 182: An AC adventure!

Call me a virgin...an Atlantic City newbie! And, my very sweet boyfriend wanted to take me for an overnight to celebrate HIS birthday! Needless to say, I've been looking forward to it for weeks, probably more than he realized, but I didn't want to come across too excited or eager. But, it's exciting! The lights and buzzers and dings of the casino, and the billboards and fancy restaurant signs in the city, and the boardwalk...it's like out of a story book! It's actually my first time to any boardwalk, and I can only imagine how much fun it is in the summer. Being the stand up guy he is, he indulged me in my stroll along the oceanfront despite the 14 degree temperatures and biting winds off the water. But, it was fun! And we couldn't have ordered up a prettier day. The sun sparkled off the water and made everything look bright and clean. We did a little more gambling (I lost again...grr.)and decided our luck had run out. But, I still felt like quite a lucky girl. I enjoyed every minute of my time with Mr. O and really couldn't have had a better time. Thanks for choosing me to celebrate your big day with...hope you had as much fun as me!

Day 179-181: An HD whirlwind

We're going HD. In less than a week. And, my brain is now swirling with a whole bunch of changes, new ways to do things and questions on how this is really going to go down. I'm exhausted and a little confused, and trying to remember everything I randomly think of to ask about... I'm staying longer to do run throughs and feel like I'm coming home from work and going right to bed. It's all a bit of a haze and I'm just crossing my fingers all will work out. I'm keeping my 2011 positive attitude!

Day 178: Happy Birthday Mr. O!

It's officially the birthday week of the boy and I'm super psyched. I love birthdays! Everyone deserves to feel all kinds of extra special, and I hope he felt it all. Coming off Christmas, things are a little tight, but I'm hoping the dinner and drinks last night, plus the double decker cake are enough... I find I can really get carried away with buying and shopping for those I care about, but I forced myself to reign it in a bit. Don't want him to think I'm the crazy girl going over the top! It's only been 4 months! But, I picture how he might grin or how his eyes might light up and I can't help myself. Anyway, he's the first "BF" I've ever celebrated a birthday with...hope I pulled it off right, Mr. O! Happy Birthday!

Day 177: Yet another BJ moment...

Seriously, I just need to accept my absent-mindedness and kooky situations I can't seem to avoid getting into. I wanted to wash my down comforter, which after a non-fun mishap Friday night I discovered would not fit in my washer. So off to the laundromat I went this morning. Wallet in hand and keys in pocket, I toted the blanket in, made some change, and stuffed the blanket into a washer, poured in the soap and proceeded to leave it be while I ran to the store. Wait. Where's the wallet? Stomach drop and flash of panic later, not to mention a frantic run around the laundromat, it dawns on me, what if it's in the washer? Good grief. Only me, right? I open the lid, but it's full of water and soap and oh yeah, giant wet down comforter! I don't see anything, and realize I have to sit out the cycle to meet my fate. A tense 18 minutes later, I pull out the blanket only to have my wallet plop out in a splash. On the bright side, it's a cloth wallet, so it got a lovely wash out of the deal and no leather was ruined. However, there were plenty of receipts, and a lotto ticket, some stamps and movie tickets that really didn't need to get wet and gross. They're currently drying all over my kitchen table...let's hope they survived the spin cycle.

Day 176: Unexpected houseguests

It's Friday, I have no plans, and I'm totally okay with that. I'm doing a bubble bath, new pjs, some junk food and most likely an early bed time. I'm actually really looking forward to a good night's sleep, a long night's sleep and lazily waking up tomorrow...


6 hours later:
Scratch that all. Yes, I got the bubble bath and pjs and a snooze that started about 9 p.m. But, a most pleasant and unexpected surprise had me fumbling for the phone about 2 a.m. My lovely girlfriends had been out for the night, each with separate plans, and after a few cocktails, needed a place to crash. And, as much as they apologized, I'm so glad they called me! Maybe I said I wanted the peaceful and boring night in, but this was so much better! Suddenly, I had a slumber party with lots of girl talk and giggling. I couldn't have asked for a better Friday night...or Saturday morning. :) Thanks girls, for thinking of me. My couch is at your service anytime!

Day 175: Woohoo! No cavities!

A trip to the dentist has never been an issue with me. In fact, I've always kind of enjoyed it. I've been fortunate enough to have little trouble with my teeth growing up, and I loved the thorough cleaning I would get every 6 months...teeth all shiny and smooth. But, the last couple years, the trips have been more intense, a couple tiny cavities popping up, 2 of which wouldn't take to the Novocaine (not an experience I'd like to repeat!), a cap replacement and a sensitive spot or 2 on some teeth where the gums have receded a bit. Hmm, maybe a little too detailed, but these were huge deals to me! I've always had such a good track record! Anyway, in my move from Chicago to PA, my 6 month regular visit slipped my mind entirely and suddenly it dawned on me I hadn't been to the dentist in almost a year! Full of shame and regret, I started the phone calls to find one in my area who took my insurance and soon enough I had my appointment. After my last visit, I promptly took steps to boost up the flossing, add a rinse and get a sweet new electric toothbrush...seriously, it's no joke. So, while I haven't neglected my teeth, I certainly was apprehensive about going into the dentist after almost a year! I know they see so many different people all the time, but I can't help but feel the embarrassment and shame when they ask how long it's been since I've been to the dentist! But, my worries were erased, when the hygienist told me I was making her job easy and the dentist proclaimed my teeth in perfect shape! Moral of the story? If you actually take the few minutes to floss and rinse in addition to brushing, despite how easy it is to say, I'll do it next time, you'll reap the benefits. Funny how that works... :)

Day 174: Scatterbrained? Or just blonde?

Woke up this morning to find the milk in the cupboard. And, the cereal in the fridge. Let's just say, this isn't the first time this has happened. Yet, the bowl and spoon were placed ever so precisely in the dishwasher. What is my deal? Please tell me there are others out there who do these scatterbrained things... I need some comfort in my apparent crazy.

Day 173: So long Velvet Tuberose, it's been nice knowing you.

Discontinued. Such a sad word. And even sadder when you find it's happening to something that's your favorite. This time around, it's my all time favorite scent from Bath and Body Works. Velvet Tuberose. The store's having a huge sale, and as I wandered about looking for a fabulous deal on my fave smell, I couldn't find it anywhere. So I inquired. And then the cruel response that made my heart sink: "It's been discontinued." I actually said "well, crap" back to the sales girl. I'm so disappointed!! I have the lotion, the body wash, the bubble bath, the anti bacterial gel, the body spray and now even the perfume. It's my scent. The smell that lingers when I leave a room, that makes you think of me when I'm not around. It's the scent that soothes me, takes me to a happy place and tugs this little spot inside that makes me think of childhood memories. I can't quite place what it reminds me of, but I always get that cozy feeling of remembering being a kid. And now, it's going away. WHY?? Why do "they" come out with things that people get attached to, then snatch them away? It happened with my favorite eye shadow. I had to search down an alternative that to this day, does not quite give the same effect. It happened with my first favorite smell of Freesia, which left me floundering about until Velvet Tuberose hit the scene. I mean, I realize there are worse fates in the world than having to find a new scent, but it's just not fair. *sigh* Let the search begin...

Day 172: Lacing up the running shoes. Again

I'm going to start running. Again. For real this time. I know, I make this promise alot, then end up doing it sporadically...but I really want to do this. I feel like there are so many people around me getting into it, that it's almost like I'm being called to do this. When I get into it, I enjoy it. I like pushing myself to see how much further I can go each time. And I like the energy I have afterwards. Plus, I just got these sweet running shoes for Christmas, so there's really no excuse. So here I come treadmill. Yes, again. Yes, I know you've heard it before. But, I'm serious this time. Seriously.

Day 171: A fresh look on a fresh year

Okay, so now that my stomach's stopped swirling and my eyes are no longer crossed, I'm officially starting 2011 today, January 2nd, with a fresh attitude. My new year's resolution: to not let the negative in my life BECOME my life. In fact, don't even let it be a negative at all. Whose life is perfect? There is always going to be good and not so good, but the way to live a happy life is to not let the bad dominate. So that's what I'm going to do! I've got great family, great friends, this great guy who seems to keep coming back despite my quirky tendencies, I have a job, a roof over my head, and plenty more positives that so many people aren't fortunate to have in their life. So, no more of this pity party, when's it going to turn around business... I'm done. I'm putting on a smile, thanking my lucky stars for all the wonderful around me and taking the attitude that good things will come my way. I know it.

Day 170: Greeting 2011 from the toilet bowl...

Oh boy. Too much wine. On top of too much champagne. Turning on the water, and the fan and to drown out the sound of my coughing as I try to throw up without making a peep. I know it happens, but I'm not ready to show the boy this pasty, stomach heaving, rat's hair mess of myself known as my hangover. Trust me, nothing sexy about this look. So much for my romantic plans of spending the first day of 2011 going ice skating and getting hot chocolate...I can't move from the couch. I feel terrible that he's here to spend the weekend with me and all I want to do is lay on the bathroom floor in my sweatshirt with the holes in it. Come on, tummy, get yourself together! This is no way to kick off the new year!

Day 167 - 169: A 2011 Preparation Haze

Sluggish and tired. Starting back the week, in the middle of the week on no sleep and after 5 days of being away and overindulging. Miss family, miss Mr. O, miss Christmas, and now fretting over how to ring in 2011. Go out? Stay in? Spend money? Save money? What does he want to do? What do I want to do? What about the girls, are we giving up all trying to do it up altogether? Why am I worrying so much? So much emphasis placed on one night...why the need to make it so shiny? In the end, I know I want to spend the evening, the big moment with one person. So, I'm thinking sweats (cute sweats!), snacky, finger foods (hey, it's the last night to splurge!), some wine, some champagne, some goofball dancing in the living room, maybe a funny movie and a cheeseball countdown to 2011 while we watch a big, lit up ball slide slowly down a pole (how that became a tradition, I'll never know.) Does a little part of me want to get dressed up and hit a dance floor with my special someone? Do a little flirting and swaying, feel his arm around me on a night that's supposed to feel all magic-ky? Sure, a little part. But, I'm totally down for doing it at home...in the end, I just want to be snuggled up with him when the clock strikes midnight. And, this way, I get to do it all in purple fuzzy slippers and keep those blister-giving heels in the box. :) Welcome 2011, I'm psyched to ring you in!