29. Me. We're synonomous for the first time today and I'll be honest, it's got me feeling a bit unsettled. When I was a little girl making plastic dinner in my Fisher Price kitchen for my Cabbage Patch dolls, AFTER coming home from my day job as a veterinarian slash actress, I imagined 29 would come with the husband, 2.5 kids, dog, house, as well as a fancy career where I got to wear lipstick and shoulder pads (gotta love the 80's!). Let's just say things have turned out a bit differently... I've got the career, though I can get away with wearing jeans, and it's one that I question everyday just how much I like it. I live alone, always have since moving out of my parents home over 5 years ago. I'm yet to enter into a long-term relationship, never called anyone 'boyfriend.' I own no property, I have no pets and certainly no kids, and my savings is a sad state of affairs. I've been throwing all I have into my career, but is it worth it? Does the big pay day eventually come where I can comfortably shift gears and focus on the more personal aspects of my life? And the bigger question, is that really what I want?
A few things I have discovered: I like living alone. I like things in their right place, my place, I like being able to eat pickles standing in front of the open fridge, I like walking around with rollers in my hair and no make up and not feeling self conscious, I like rocking out to show tunes as I vacuum or cook. How do I learn to share my space with someone?
I like working in television, the spontaneity and excitement of it, and the fact that I get to write everyday. As far as jobs go, producing is pretty cool. But, have I reached my limit on news? Does it get me excited anymore? And, if it doesn't, what on earth do I do next?
I like being able to pick up and move somewhere. It's exhausting, but there's a sense of freedom that goes with it, not to mention an excitement of exploring someplace new, proving to yourself you can make it. Will I ever want to settle somewhere? Does that anxiety of parking it in one spot for too long wear off?
When it comes down to it, I've got a good life. Fantastic, supportive family, fabulous, full of life friends, a career in something I pursued and made happen, I've traveled to and lived in different cities, on paper, it all looks pretty good. But it wasn't in the plan, so far none of it has been, so maybe it's time to scrap it and make a new one. It's alot to contemplate before I've even blown out the candles, but here's my wish: I'm not holding back this 29th year of my life, I'm going for what I want and not being afraid to fall...and one year from now, I hope to embrace whatever my life encompasses, whether it be exactly what I have now or the kids, husband and dog. It's my life, I'll make it what I want. Here I come 30.
Lindsey...First off, you suck for still having a year left in your 20s. If I could I'd go back I'd go back to 27. I read this and TOTALLY relate to it. Only thing is, I can't figure out if it's b/c I'm remembering how I felt before I turned 30 or if I'm still feeling that way now (and approaching 33). I'm definitely not where I always thought I would be and you know what I've been through in my life as far as career & relationships are concerned. I have to finish reading the rest of your entries and if you ever get annoyed of my comments just tell me to quit it. Trust me I can take it-I've become hardened in my "old age" ;)
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