Day 166: Why, Route 15, it's been so long since I've seen you...

So looked forward to, so highly anticipated, and like that, it's over. I'm packing up my car on the other end and headed back to Central PA. Why do the things you look forward to the most go by so fast? Christmas in general is always a let down, it's like the wedding or prom you plan forever for that leaves you feeling empty and sad when the big day is over. This one doesn't hurt as bad, because you know you get to do it all again in a year, but add into it packing everything up, leaving your family who you so rarely see, knowing there's an empty apartment still dripping in Christmas sparkle and a ridiculously early start to your next day waiting, makes the whole thing seem a little overwhelmingly sad. The one bright spot this time happens to be a certain guy I'm now days closer to getting to see...but it's still hard to leave. So here I go, I'm chinning up and getting on the road, saying so long Christmas and presents and dinners and family, I know you're not going anywhere. I'll see you again in 365. :)

Day 165: Capturing a family moment in time

Apparently waaaay back in time. This is the studio we stepped into this morning for our family portrait. Now, hanging out together in a house is one thing, there are different rooms and floors we can spread out on. But, putting us all together for an event that puts us out in public where we have to behave ourselves? Not so easy. We're a sarcastic, wise-cracking bunch, some of which have little patience, and now we're going to sit for a family picture? Here, next to this family from the North Pole circa 1989, and this Indian man? You're cooping us up in a room encased in wood paneling? Were we supposed to come in period costume? Needless to say, it all sparked a lot of laughs, which in the end always helps us get through the bizarreness we land in, and actually the photos came out pretty well. There's something to be said about capturing a moment forever, everyone looking their shiniest and happiest. I know I'll smile every time I look at this picture, remembering not just the strangeness of the day, and the fun we had with it, but all the times we cracked each other up and got to spend time as a group. It helps that there was a loud, face stuffing lunch that followed, including a cocktail haze that makes the whole day seem fun and rosy. Yes, that's exactly how I'll remember it.

Day 164: Wouldn't be a holiday without a BJ moment...

Yes, a classic Bridget Jones moment! I haven't brought one up in awhile! (Doesn't mean I've stopped falling into these snafus, I just don't relate them all...) Acknowledging my tight budget, especially around the holidays, my Mom loans me her credit card to put gas in my car to head from Rochester to Buffalo on Christmas Eve. I fill up the car, put the card in my pocket and make my way to Western New York. Well, there was one stop at the mall...hey, it was on the way! I had a shirt to return to JCPenney, so I figured I'd run in and out, not have to worry about it after Christmas when EVERYONE would be returning. So I do it, run in and out, return the shirt, and continue my journey. About 5 minutes before pulling up to Grandma's house, I get a wave of panic. Where's the card? I check my pockets. Nothing. I feel around in my purse. Nothing. I pull into a parking lot to REALLY go through my purse. Nothing. I finally drive to Grandma's where I spend 45 minutes searching bags and entire car for the darn thing. Nothing. Now, I have to make the call. To my mother. I mean, the last thing anything wants to deal with is a lost credit card...on Christmas Eve. Luckily, she's not to put out with me, and suggests I call the gas station. As I'm frantically searching for the number, I remember the stop at JCPenney, so I call them and they have it!! But, they're closing for the holiday in the next 5 minutes and we can't it til today, Sunday, when everyone's supposed to be in Buffalo, doing dinner and a movie. So I get the brilliant idea that the Chad, who's supposed to be coming to hang with us, can stop and pick it up on his way into town. But when I call at 9 this morning, the store says no, the person who's name is on the card must pick up the card and show ID. No exceptions. So now, no movie, no dinner out, no Chad, no Gramma and Mom...we're making a drive to Rochester to pick up the credit card, and I feel terrible. Everyone makes mistakes, and I'm trying to look at the positive that I found the card and know where it is and don't have to cancel it and reassign accounts to a new one, etc... But, I know I've disappointed several people today, and it really makes me feel terrible. :( Stupid BJ clumsiness at life. It's not always cute and quirky...

Day 163: I AM Home for Christmas!

You can sure count on me! It's Christmas day in the B-Lo and I'm loving being home for the holiday. There's just something so warm and fuzzy about everyone being in one spot, a spot where we've spent so many Christmases past, and though everyone gets a little older, a little rounder, a little kookier, it's still that same kid at heart feeling of it being such a special day. There's even snow outside to make it a white Christmas! No matter what's going in my life right now, whether it's what I expected it to be at this point as I tick down these days to 30, I wouldn't change this day, these moments for the world. We may pick on each other, and tease each other and squabble because we're on top of each other, and get annoyed that we're all trying to use one shower, but these people are my people. They accept me for who I am and don't push me to be otherwise. They also spoil me rotten, but that's just a side benefit. :) So thanks fate, or destiny, or God, or whatever's lead me to this opportunity to spend this holiday with my family. There's no way to calculate what it means to me and I'll carry that with me forever.

Days 157 - 162: A Christmas Haze

Baking cookies. Check. Wrapping gifts. Check. Mailing cards. Check. Baking more cookies, getting last minute gifts, returning things, exchanging things, wrapping more gifts, baking more cookies, packing, laundry, hmm...new outfit for Christmas party? Shopping, shopping, shopping, treats for work, packing up the car, tracking online orders, checking the mailbox to see if online orders finally came, baking more cookies, packing up cookies so they don't crumble, wrapping more gifts, making a list of things done to make sure all is done. Sleep. When do I do that? I love this holiday, but Christmas is hard work. That's why I get this when I attempt to start the holiday early. All dressed up and face down in a solo cup of wine. At 11:30. In a room full of people. What can I say? In the end, it's all worth it, but it will be really nice to not worry about it and sleep....

Day 156: I get TWO Christmases this year?

It's pretty much more than this Christmas tree loving, carol singing, candy cane licking, tinsel throwing fool can handle! As if I'm not already lucky that I get to go home for the whole Christmas weekend, I get to spend the weekend before in a happy holiday haze with my honey (that is some fabulous alliteration...). After a bonus night of holiday romance at Longwood Gardens, I'm making dinner and dessert and we're exchanging gifts next to my 3 foot tree with my all my twinkle lights on glowing and my evergreen scented candles burning. Yes, I know I'm a Christmas cheeseball, but it makes me all gooey inside when I picture the loveliness of it all. Plus, I'm super psyched to give him his gift, I really don't think he'd expect it and I love a good surprise! (I hope it's not too much too soon though...I get so wrapped up in the joy of making someone happy that I lose track of where I may cross the line into too extravagant. Oh well, too late now!) Honestly, if you'd told me 6 months ago I'd have someone this special in my life to spend the holidays with I would have never believed you. But, it's really happening and I'm trying to enjoy every minute of it.

Day 155: How did I get so lucky?

I'm still having trouble grasping how someone can treat me so nicely! After a bit of a trying week, much of which I spent moaning and groaning about to Mr. O, I get a text message that says we're going to dinner and to see the Christmas lights at an area garden, it's all been set, I just have to show up. Talk about being blown away! I had mentioned I wanted to check out the lights, but with our schedules, it didn't look like it was going to happen. But, because I needed a pick me up, he sacrificed a little sleep before an early morning work start to show me a good time and make me smile. And boy did he ever! The text message alone had me smiling all day! I don't know why I have trouble thinking that someone would want to improve my spirits and take the time to surprise me like that. It just gives me a warm fuzzy feeling every time I think of it. And, the evening couldn't have been more lovely. A cozy, VERY delicious dinner, complete with dessert, then a stroll through a winter wonderland, full of twinkle lights and Christmas trees and poinsettias. I can't help it, all that holiday sparkle makes me feel like a little kid inside and I was hard pressed to NOT smile. So thanks, Mr. O, for picking up my spirits and making me feel so special.

Day 154: Sometimes you just need a sleepover

So why get in its way? My friends and I all work such crazy schedules, so seeing each other during the week can be quite rare. They're usually going to work when I'm going to bed and vice versa... So, when fate seemed to drop the opportunity in our laps, how are we supposed to pass that up? One of the girls was out on sick leave after surgery, another needed to stay local for a meeting that fell during her normal sleeping hours and the third was already planning on staying over. Needless to say, the forces of nature were all telling me I HAD to join this girls night...so I did. I'm an adult, I can make these decisions. And, clearly a night when we could all hang together and catch up was worth losing a few hours of sleep. Oh yeah, and there was a promise of cheese fries... So, I grabbed a nap, packed up my stuff for the night and headed over. And, I must say, the lack of sleep was totally worth the girl time. :)

Day 153: Seriously, some people just have bad luck!

Do you ever feel totally helpless? Things just spiraling out of your control and no matter how you wrack your brain, you can't do anything but sit and watch it happen? Today was one of those days and it really takes a toll you. Sometimes those situations where you have to MacGuyver your way out of a sticky spot can be almost fun, kind of an adrenaline high. But today, already riding a wave of exhaustion and frustration, it just knocked me down and left me not wanting to get up. When will I feel like I'm NOT beating my head against a wall as I strive to do the best I can? This is the happiest time of the freaking year, a time I tend to shoot out red and green ribbon every time I walk I'm so damn cheerful over it, and I keep getting Grinched. I need to pull a wishbone or crack a fortune cookie or find a penny or something...I'm willing my luck to turn around!

Day 152: Falalalalifetime...I love it, you love, admit it, it's awesome.

It's true, and I'm not ashamed to admit my love for this month long celebration of Christmas cheer and cheeseball love stories. Falalala Lifetime is the perfect background for baking, decorating, gift wrapping or just plain indulging in a whole afternoon on the couch with Christmas cookies, pyjamas and a cozy blanket. Watch just one movie and you'll feel the old, yet familiar twinge of believing in Santa. You'll believe miracles are possible, from reuniting your parents to making it home in time for your Christmas Eve wedding. But, most of all, you'll just get sucked up into the overall joy of the holidays and walk away looking for your own special holiday story. A couple of my favorites include "Deck the Halls," starring the nerdy girl from 90210, Kristin Chenoweth's "12 Men of Christmas," and "Secret Santa," starring another 90210 alum, Jenni Garth. All love stories, all completely believable and all freaking fabulous. It's a good time, don't be ashamed to tune in and enjoy the unbelievable story lines, and settle in for some over the top acting. The only problem? There's only so many holiday movies...which means eventually, you're in for a series of FalalalaRepeats....

Day 151: When you live alone...

This can be your dinner. A hot dog nuked in the microwave, spiral Kraft macaroni and cheese and asparagus. I mean, I think I really nailed the essential food groups, right? It's true, being here with me, myself and I, I can chill without makeup, eat in front of the TV, wear my ratty pyjamas, watch HGTV to my heart's content and most of all, eat whatever I want. I don't have to worry if things go together, if everyone likes it, or if it's all ready at the same time. I can eat it straight out of the Tupperware container or not even heat it up. And there's no one to judge me. But, I think I'm feeling more and more like I could give that up (well, some of that...the ratty pjs stay), for the company of a special someone. It's nice having someone here to talk to, to take care of and be taken care of by, to kill the spiders in the shower and load the dishwasher while I clear the table, to just plain occupy the space with me. I missed seeing my Mr. O this weekend, therefore spending quite some time with myself, and while all the above can be nice, I could definitely get used to sharing my space with someone. The right someone, that is...I mean, some people could just drive me crazy. But, I'm learning to work on that, to let go of my crazy hang ups and go with the flow. Plus, right now, a certain boy seems to fitting in just fine. Let's hope he sticks around awhile... :)

Day 150: Decorating on a budget...totally doable.

I can't seem to stop decorating for Christmas! As a rule, I generally decorate immediately after Thanksgiving, so that I can enjoy the holiday as long as I can. I mean, it only comes once a year, right? Well, as much as I love the decorations I pilfered from my Mom's ever growing stash over the years before we moved, there's always such an array of new stuff in the stores. Not to mention things I'm looking for, and don't want to spend the money on. On a budget like me? I'm sharing my tips for getting into the holiday spirit on only one dime...not many. :)

1.) Wreath on the door. Doesn't have to be fancy, just simple and classic. I found this wreath at the Dollar store, as did I find the bow (notice the glitter?) and the over the door hanger. $3! A little fluffing of the wreath, straightening of the bow, and it's perfect!

2.) Table decor. I actually got this tip from my friend Kiersten, who got it from sources unnamed (ahem, Oprah's former makeover man...). Fill your vases with ornaments! A pack of several shiny, sparkly, colorful bulbs can be found for a dollar or two at stores like the Dollar Tree and the Christmas Tree Shoppes. Dump them into the vase and display! So pretty!

3.) Accent what you already have out. I love these plug ins from Bath and Body Works, in fact I'm currently sporting a lovely Balsam scent to make up for my lack of real tree smell. Now, I could go buy a new holiday themed holder, but instead I tied this bright red ribbon I had stuck in a drawer around it, and voila! Ready for Christmas and totally free.

4.) Twinkle lights. They're cheap, they're easy to wrap around or string up. And, they're oh so pretty. Confession: Sometimes I leave them up after Christmas just because I love the effect of sitting in the dark with only the twinkle lights on. Seriously, if you don't do any decorating, but want to get into the holiday mood, just string up a few strands of lights. You'll feel cheery in no time. :)

Day 149: A Cookie Cutout Tradition

One of my favorite memories as a kid was our cookie baking adventure the weekend of Thanksgiving at my grandma's house. Every year, on the days immediately following Thanksgiving, me and Cory and Mom and Grandma would bake sugar cut-out cookies. It's a huge recipe which would make dozens upon dozens of cookies. Grams would mix up the dough the night before and it would sit on the back porch in a giant pot overnight to cool down and firm up. Then the next morning, we'd cover the kitchen table in some plasticy tablecloth and pull out the rolling pins. It felt like we'd be cutting out cookies for hours! And then the icing. We'd have different colors and sprinkles and make green snowmen and yellow Christmas trees. My mom was like the Picasso of frosting cookies. Smoothing it on just so, and using sprinkles as another design aspect, like the stripes on the candy canes or the fringe on the stocking. I marveled at it and tried to imitate it, still do today, but I never seem to duplicate her style. :) The entire task was daunting, and when I look back as an adult, I can see the work that went into it, but to me the kid, it was just such a fun day, between the screw ups and the tasting and talking and the joking. Not to mention the recipe was only used once a year and to this day is a recipe for cut-outs I've never tasted outside of my family.

As I got older, and I moved away for school and work, and my brother did the same, the tradition faded out. But the craving for the cookies was always there around the holidays. I think after the first and only year of not having them in the house around Christmas, I started making the effort to include them. Now, every year in the weeks of December leading up to Christmas, I devote a day to mixing up the dough myself and cutting out cookies all afternoon. I've since split the recipe in half, and honestly it doesn't take that long. Plus, there's a sense of pride in maintaining the tradition that keeps me rolling out the dough. I can't wait to one day share this with my kids, give them the memory of Christmas cookies that I had, not to mention, have some helpers in the kitchen. After spending the day rolling and cutting and baking and icing, I'm really thanking my lucky stars this is a one time a year tradition...

Day 148: Weekend in

1. I'm broke. 2. Mr. O has big boys night out plans 3. All the girls are out of town or otherwise tied up. And, 4. I'm exhausted. All reasons I'm staying in this weekend and not communicating with the outside world. I think I need this weekend to regroup and chill...while at the same time, catch up on things on my To Do list, like bake Christmas cookies, wrap presents, address Christmas cards and maybe clean out some drawers and closet (though that last one's not too high up on the list...I'm a total procrastinator). I want to sleep in and wake up to no alarm. I want to light candles and lounge on my couch among my Christmas decorations and twinkle lights. I want to watch FaLaLaLaLifetime in my pyjamas and no makeup. I want to sample cookies as I bake them. I have to admit, I've started to get used to my weekends including Mr. O, and it feels weird to have one alone. There may be a little part of me that wishes he was here to watch TV with and lounge on the couch with and tease me and talk to and snuggle up with...but, a little time with myself feels pretty nice, too. Time to pull out the ugly sweats and settle in for some serious Lindsey time. :)

Day 147: Sick

Sick. Ugh, so sick. I'm writing this on my phone from the bathroom floor and feel like I'm never going to feel normal again. I wouldn't wish this feeling on my worst enemy...well, maybe my worst enemy. They'd deserve it. Anyway, I'm going back to hugging the toilet and resting my cheek on the tile floor... Later gator.

Day 146: Lifting my spirits

Okay, much better day. I've decided I can't let my situation get the best of me, it's only letting it win and that's not fair. I'm in control here and I WILL make things better. Yes, my current work situation is unfortunate, but it's up to me to make the best of it. And, it's up to me to do something about it. I'm turning this attitude around and not letting the negativity eat at me. So there.

Day 145: Down and out

Talk about a crap day. I just feel like crap. Nothing seemed to go right, and it in turn just makes me feel bad about myself. Okay, so maybe it's that "time" of the month, when my emotions run extra high and instead of getting pissy or mad I get introspective and sad. But when I take a good look at my life, mainly my job and where it's put me, I'm just down and out about the whole thing. I've lost my ambition to strive at work and that makes me angry. I don't like not giving my all, or doing the best job I can, but I honestly don't seem to have it in me to try anymore and this just makes me sad. It's carrying over into the rest of my life and I don't like it. I even went shopping after work to pick up my spirits and it just made me feel worse. I'm working this job that pays me nothing and I can't afford anything and why even buy anything to make me happy when I'm so unhappy? F-ed up reasoning, but that's what you get when you're trying to justify feeling miserable. I'm so over it and I need to make a change...I'm just stuck in the "how" part. Help.

Day 144: You got me pjs...this time.

No running. No exercise. No dinner. No anything. I'm exhausted and I'm going right to bed. Yup, I literally walked in the front door into my pyjamas and onto the couch. A couple hours of mindless television to tune out my brain and then it's shut eye. I will not feel guilty and I will not think of the things I need to do and I will not get distracted by Facebook or reading or that episode of Glee that's been waiting for me. Sometimes you just need to sleep and that's exactly what I'm going to do. Good night.

Day 143: Get on Board...

Boardwalk Empire. Seriously, I'm hooked. I'm not one for the gangster tales or mob stories, I mean, I watched Goodfellas once and couldn't understand the phenomenon of it. As for Sopranos, I never cared enough to watch. But, when Mr. O suggested we watch it On Demand, I didn't want to say no. And after one episode, I was ready to click to the second! We proceeded to spend this afternoon plowing through episodes, until the end of episode 6 when I decided I really needed to go get some sleep. Here, watch this and tell me you're not intrigued:

Hmmm, why do I like it, though? For one, it sort of feels like mobster-light. It has the random killing and underhanded politics, but being in Atlantic City, it's got a lighter, more playful feel which I can get on board with. I also think Steve Buscemi really shines as a lead character. I'm used to seeing him as a side kick, a secondary role for comic relief or lead role support. But, in this, he really nails sympathy and kindness with harshness and a keen sense of business and politics. I find myself wanting to know Nucky Thompson despite the fact that he orders people to be killed or uses his role of leadership to break the law. The rest of the cast is on par as well, especially the woman who plays his Irish mistress (gorgeous!) and the guy who plays Jimmy. I must say, you've done it again HBO, you've reeled me in and I'm here to stay on the Boardwalk.

Day 142: Shopped out. Who ever thought?

So I went Christmas shopping last night. And, I went again this morning. And, as addictive as it can be...I think I'm done. As in, don't want to buy anything else, if I don't have it for you by now, you're not getting it. I mean, that's probably a lie, but I'm so shopped out! I can definitely see the appeal of shopping online! I've always especially loved shopping during the holiday season because of that extra buzz of excitement in the air, that rush to find the perfect gift. But, after waiting in crazy long lines, tugging at my coat as I overheated, rubbing my aching shoulder where my purse has been hanging on for dear life, and trudging to 3 stores to find the gift I was looking for, I just want to go home and put my pjs on.

I have, however, gotten the majority of my shopping done, which I'm quite pleased about. I tend to get this rush that I want to get it all done in one shot, which may be why I'm so exhausted by the end of my shopping trip. I keep heading from store to store, as yet another idea pops into my head. I think in the future a list would be wise...keep the shopping to minimum so I don't get frustrated, or more importantly, overspend. I have to say though, there's a certain thrill I get when I collect all the bags from my shopping expedition. What is it with walking with several shopping bags that makes me hold my head a little higher? It's like I feel like I've accomplished a major task and done it well. I've said it before and I'll say it again, why can't I get this high over exercise?

Day 141: More excited than I realized!

I know I like him. I know I enjoy spending time with him. I know he makes me smile, and laugh and feel special. But, I did not expect these tingly feelings in my tummy and the sporadic smile I can't keep of my face each time I remember I get to see him tomorrow. Because I went home for the whole Thanksgiving weekend, and because we live a lifetime (ie. an hour and a half) apart, I haven't seen him in 2 weeks. We've talked and we've texted, but we haven't actually spent any time together, and it's seemed like a very loooong 2 weeks. But now, it's almost tomorrow and Mr. O is expected at my door sometime early evening and I wish I could make this next 24 hours go by a little faster. I still don't know what we'll do or if we'll go somewhere or if I should cook, or rent a movie, but I do know I'm excited to see him and hug him and feel his big hug in return. Oh dear, I may have to go shopping to distract myself from looking at the clock...

Day 140: Midweek return to work = not so productive

Ugh. I've had 4 days off work, 6 total away from PA and it's clearly too many. It's day 2 of my 3 day week, and I want to a.) go back to sleep, and b.) not be at work. I can't focus, I seem to have lost my ability to write news and I seriously can't keep my eyes open. I'm counting the minutes til I can reunite with pillow. Friday afternoon can't get here soon enough....

Day 139: Why I love Jon Stewart...and you should, too.

He's funny. He's sexy. He's disarmingly adorable. And he's smart as hell! For someone who makes their profession in news, I don't often pay much attention to it outside of work. Except for The Daily Show. I never miss it, and honestly I think it gives me all the news I really need AND in a way I understand it! Watch this link and tell me you don't fall in love with him:

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart	Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c
You're Not Punny
www.thedailyshow.com
Daily Show Full Episodes Political Humor The Daily Show on Facebook

It's genius. Working for The Daily Show would be a dream job and news I could finally get excited about again. Jon, are you there? It's me, Lindsey. Please give me a job