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Day 365: Hmm...did I count wrong?

Well, this appears to be the last day of my 29th year... However, I still have one more day after todya until July 16th. Not quite sure where I went wrong, I was very careful, but my countdown clock says the same thing... Whatever. So, it'll be 366 to thirty. One extra day certainly won't kill me, in fact it gives me 24 more hours to enjoy the last time I'll see a 2 in front of my age. I feel like I'm counting down to New Year's Eve or something. What will happen as the clock strikes midnight at the end of day on July 15th? Will I turn into a pumpkin? Will all my dreams come true? Will I learn the secret to happiness? Will I feel old and creaky? Or will I feel energized and younger than ever? I'm in it for the long haul, extra day or not, and I'm ready to see what the next step will lead to. But for now, I'm going to enjoy every last drop of my last moments as a 29 year old...

Day 364: Give me something crazy to do!!

Here we go, we're about 48 hours away from the end of my 20s. The end of an era, a whole decade, a apan of time where I've lived in 3 different states, 4 cities, and I'm preparing for another one. I'm crossing over into the era of 30, what I look at as the decade I officially have to grow up. Not stop having fun, but grow up... so, give me something crazy to do! I have mere hours in which I can look like this, and just chalk it up to being in my crazy 20s. Thing is, I've never been much of a crazy acter-outer. I've always seemed to err on the side of caution and not want to get into trouble. But here I am, on the eve of a new phase of my life and I want to let my hair down and throw caution to the wind. (Could there BE any more cliche phrases in this post?) SO, give me some ideas! The crazier the better...and I'll let you know if I have the courage to pull it off... :)

Day 363: A next big step.

Well, it's official. I put in my 2 weeks notice at work today. And holy crap, does it feel good. I've simmered down on my complaining about my workplace shenanigans here on the blog, partly because I got called out for being a bit unprofessional, and partly because it was just a big debby downer. But, my frustration and irritation has remained ever present. I just think I went too far into the dark side in the beginning and there was no going back. So, I put myself out there, applying to everything that I got my hands on, until finally the stars aligned and I had an interview in Philadelphia. However, that was back in March. By June, my hopes of getting that job had pretty much fizzled. But, again, the fates smiled on me and the same work place (another news station!) offered another proposition. And, after some consideration, it really just seemed right.

And, what else might this job move spark? Well, Mr. O. was gung ho on finally getting his own place. At the same time I happened to be in need of a new place to live...so yes, we're moving in together. Not sure which is scarier, the big bad new job, or the fact I'm going to live with a boy! I mean, I've never even had a roommate! But, I'm feeling good about it all. It just all feels right. Nerve-wracking, but right. So here goes, as I count down the hours at this point until I bid 29 adieu, I prepare to truly embark on a new phase of my life. Can I just say, whoa?

Days 361-362: Girls weekend!

I swore I'd never be one of those girls who slacked on the girlfriend time once she got involved with a boyfriend. But, it sure can be easy to get sucked up in the whole relationship thing! So, while I've been walking on a few clouds over the last 10 months, growing ever closer to Mr. O., I do feel like I'm lacking a bit in the time I spend with my friends. Which only taints all the happy a smidge because I miss my girls! That's why once I got over my initial disappointment that Mr. O. wanted to hang with the boys this past weekend and play golf (seriously, I WANT him to do these things! I think I was just cranky and particulary missing him...), I looked on the sunny and bright side that I could get in some QT with one of my favorite ladies! And, boy, did we jump right back into our easygoing, silly, more fun that you can imagine routine. I hadn't forgotten, but it had slipped my mind how much I laugh with Miss Sippa. And, add some C.B. into the mix for the second half of the weekend, and I was in seventh heaven! Cracking each other up, analyzing everyting from careers to boys to what to eat at Ruby TUesdays, it was a fantastic weekend of girly fun. Whatever happens with Mr. O., whether I come to you or you come to me, I promise to make more time for my foxy ladies. It does a soul good!

Days 357-360: Look at me, I did it! :)

I know, I sort of can't believe it either. I've really put nose to the grindstone this week, running outside in 90 degree weather, bound and determined to be ready for this weekend's 5K. Yes, non-athletic, nose in a book Lindsey ran a 5K. And let me tell you, it was no picnic. BUT, also not as bad as I thought it would be! I've really built up some endurance and I was able to go a pretty good distance without gasping for life. :) And let me tell you, seeing that finish line and pushing through with my last bit of energy felt so much better than I could have ever imagined. Granted, I took my goal down to the wire, but I did it. I ran a 5K before I turned 30. Turns out, I DO have some will power and it feels good. Now, on to planning my next one...I want a better time!

Days 349-356 Meet the family!

Well, here we go. Almost 10 months into this relationship of mine, and Mr. O. is finally meeting the family. And guess what? It was nothing to worry about. I have to admit, I had worried a bit how my mom would like him, or if he would like them, or I think really, I wondered how they'd all react to me with a BOYFRIEND! Here I am, almost 30 years of age, and I've never introduced anyone I've dated to my family. Mainly because there was never really anyone worth introducing. But, seriously, it was about time! So, off to Buffalo we went, unfortunately not until about 4 on Saturday afternoon. Which meant our arrival in the B-Lo wasn't until after 10! Poor Mr. O. had worked the whole day and then was a trooper for the long car ride. Needless to say, we were ready to fall into bed when we got there, but we hung in there for a little pizza, REAL buffalo wings and some chit chat with the fam.
All seemed to get off on the right foot! Here comes the awkward part: bedtime. Now, I know my mother knows Mr. O. sleeps over at my place, and I know there's only so many spots to lay your head in my Grams' house, so what now? Actually not really a big deal, we just shared a bed. You know, like 2 adults in their 30's. It was fine, but I can't help it, kind of weird!

Anyway, we woke up at the crack of dawn of course, cuz that's the only way Mr. O. rolls. So I made some breakfast, and in true Gramma's house fashion, sat lazily at the table as the rest of the crew woke up, got coffee, read the paper and made general chit chat. Mr. O. kind of just joined the bunch. I didn't feel bad leaving him while I showered, he chatted it up with Gramma and Uncle Chuck and my mom. Why was I ever worried?


Eventually we went on to one of the best parties/dinners/birthday celebrations we've ever had at 1530 Center Road. Kudos to my mom for making quite a spread, we could have ate for days! We all parked it outside in the breezy summer day, kept the drinks flowing and even more important, the laughs coming all day. It was one of those days that went fast, but also seemed to stretch. We just relaxed and enjoyed each other's company.

So what did they think? Apparently he just fit right in. At one point, I asked my mom and grandma what they thought of him... Both of them just smiled and said he was great. I think I made a face, looking for more from them, but the next thing they said couldn't have been any better: he was just like one of the family. :)


We were off the next morning, and though it brought tears to my eyes to have to leave so soon after getting there, my heart couldn't have been more full. I am so loved by my little family, and now by this great guy, I can't help but step back and realize just how lucky I am. It's these moments that make all the hurdles worth while.

Day 348: I think a 5K may actually be in my future...

2.5 miles on the treadmill. Seriously. I'm a bit in shock. I've never run that much in one shot in my life! And, I honestly think I could have kept running a bit further, but slowed down because I couldn't believe the numbers! So, could this 5K actually be a reality? I'm leaning in that direction... I think it's time I sign up, then there will be no turning back. Could I do really do it? I think I'm definitely going to try.

Days 343 - Days 347: Call me Aunt Lindsey?

Yikes. Though, I kind of like it. :) Mr. O's niece turned 5 this weekend, so I made the trek to New Jersey to join in the celebration. And, during present time, it came out that the present from us was from Uncle Mr. O. and Aunt Lindsey. It seemed so natural at first, then everyone kind of realized what was just said. But then we just moved on. The more time I spend with Mr. O.'s family, the more I start to love them, too. And, seriously, I adore his niece and nephew. So, why not Aunt Lindsey? At this point, we're kind of becoming a part of each other's lives, which includes the whole family. And, when I look into the future, I see him in it. So, maybe I am Aunt Lindsey and I'm completely okay with it. :)

Days 338-342: Getting my upstate NY on...

Home. It's been calling my name lately. So, off to good ol' upstate New York I went. And, why not throw in a surprise? It was Grandma's 79th birthday this weekend, which let's be honest, really makes 30 seem trivial, so we planned a little surprise lunch where she wouldn't know I was coming. First, I snuck in an overnight with the Chad. That boy has my worry meter on overload lately, and being so many hours away, it's hard to ease that worry without getting to see for myself just how he's handling everything. So, I spent the night, on my way to the B-Lo and got it a few hours of QT with the BFF. :) And, he's doing well! Home dialysis seemed a bit overwhelming, but he seems to be handling it well, and it doesn't seem all that cumbersome, so I was able to leave knowing he's doing what he's supposed to to maintain his health. My reasons for him taking care of himself may be a little selfish...I simply can't imagine my life without him, so he best stay on top of it all!

So, onto Buffalo I go, where an afternoon with the whole family with a city delicacy really did a girl good! My grams was so surprised, and so gosh darn cute when she saw us all there. We had a lot of laughs, a LOT of food, and a truly good time. Followed by 2 days of chill time at home with Mom, it really makes a girl appreciate what she has. Sometimes you just need to recharge your batteries with the people who know you best and accept you for who you are. We didn't do anything crazy, just worked around the house, washed cars, went shopping, and I couldn't have had a better time. It's those weekends that really make me yearn to be a little closer. But, still make me cherish it all the more for the distance between us.

Days 306-337: One month to go. Hmm....

Whoops, I've gone and slacked off again... What can I say, I get wrapped up in work, trying to sleep, and then there's this boy who keeps showing up at my house on the weekends. :) But, here we are, June 16th, exactly one month until I reach the big three-oh, or 30, if you will. I feel like the whole thing is a bit surreal! One minute I don't care, after all, it's just a number. But, the next minute I'm bummed, because is this really where I wanted to be in my life when I turned 30? But, THEN, I look at all I've done, and dammit if I don't have quite a bit I should be proud of! I've moved to new cities and held my own, I've learned to be a pretty darn good producer, I have a solid group of the dearest friends, whether they live down the street or in another state, I have a fantastic family, always there with their love and support, and over this last year, I've gone and fallen in love. Sometimes I can't believe my good fortune with Mr. O., but I try not to question it and just accept that this man loves me for who I am. So you know, things are looking pretty good as I enter into this last month of 29. What else might I want to accomplish? Hmmm...there is the matter of this 5K. I've been running again, much more frequently if not pretty slowly, but I'm really gung ho on doing this race. I'll keep you posted...

Days 298-305: 2nd Annual Sea Isle Extravaganza

Here we go, we've done it again. 5 girls, one beach house, endless possibilities. After a first trip to the lovely town of Sea Isle, complete with greeting the sunrise on the beach, taking the town over that night, popcorn store managers and cage fighters, and a sendoff into marriage for one of the five, it would be hard to top the first annual extravaganza! But alas, we came through. Unfortunately, we had cloudy skies and some rain, so beach time was out. But there was plenty of wine sipping, face stuffing, girliest of girl talking and of course, there was dancing! I find it hard to believe I've only known these fabulous ladies for year, because of the absolute terrific time we have together and the ability to completely be ourselves. This may be the last year of my twenties, the last year to really get away with being "balls out" crazy, but girls, you have really helped me do 29 some justice.
Thank you for making me the 5th member of the foxy ladies, for listening to me babble, for making me laugh so hard I pee a little, for never judging, for bringing me Diet Coke while I'm hugging the toilet bowl, for sympathizing, boosting my spirits and just plain being there when I need a friend. We know how to party, but we also know how to be a stand up friend. I'm a lucky girl, and I can't wait to see what the next decade brings for our group. Well, maybe I can wait just a bit...I don't want it to go by too fast! Here's the 3rd Annual Sea Isle Extravanganza and many more to follow!

Day 297: Happy Mother's Day!

I know I frequently give kudos to my mother for her love and support and encouragement throughout my 29 years. But on this Mother's Day, I'd like to give an extra special thank you to the woman who I try to model myself after. Mom, you've been there every step of the way, pushing me to leave behind the comfortable and venture out into the unknown to follow my dreams. And while it's been a rocky road, one that's come with just as many lows as highs, a few tears and a few more smiles, I wouldn't change it. So thank you Mom, for pushing me, for comforting me, for listening to me, for reprimanding me, for cheering me on, for everything. I've become my own woman, but a huge part of me is you and I'm proud to carry that on. I only hope I have a daughter one day to teach and raise and be there for the same way you have been for me. I love you and thank my lucky stars I got you when they were assigning mothers on July 16, 1981. :)

Days 290-296: I'm tired.

Another week, another 5 days of stress, sleeping during the day, and eating lunch at "breakfast" time. I'm just tired. Drained. Exhausted from thinking, from not thinking, from wishing for more, from settling for less. Is it a girl thing? Do we like to visualize the future, or is it more preparing for potential curves in the road? Am I thinking TOO much? Or am I thinking the right amount? Do I want too much by wanting more? Oh boy, when do the answers come?

Day 289: I said it...and now I'm even more scared.

I thought I could fall for him when he surprised me with a night of dinner and Christmas lights to brighten my crappy week. I thought I might just love him when he gave me my first real Valentine's day, surprising me a day early with flowers and pizza and diet coke and bagels. I knew I loved him when he told me he'd not only showed up after almost 3 weeks away with flowers, muffins and watermelon gum...but that he'd vaccuumed. I almost said the words without even knowing they were going to come out, but I stopped myself. Why? Because I was scared. Scared he wouldn't feel the same, or not say them back, or say them but not mean them, or be completely caught off guard or, or...I don't know. But, scared as I was I knew I had to say those 3 huge little words or they would come flying out at the most inopportune times...which is exactly what happened. After days of working up the courage to say them at the perfect time, I blurted them out during a tense conversation about our futures and where our relationship was going and yes, even some tears. I mean, I shouldn't be surprised, it's classic Lindsey. And, despite the unfortunate conditions, it was finally out there, I'd laid it on the table and he'd responded with the same feelings, the same words. But, now what? How do we say it again? When do I say it again? It's almost more scary now! Now I feel like it's just hanging out there, taunting me, do I say it now? Or just keep biting me tongue waiting for him to say it next? Good grief, Charlie Brown, why don't they tell you it's going to be this hard?

Day 283-288: This is going to get better when?

Ugh, another crazy week, complete with severe weather and a royal wedding! As if it wasn't enough doing another week of producing 2 hours with no help, I got to deal with tornado warnings on Thursday, keeping us on the air all morning waaaay past our end time...and then it seemed like I'd just got home, when I had to return for Royal Wedding hoopla on Friday! Now, I may have originally said I could have cared less about Will and Kate's nuptials, but once the national coverage started I was hooked. So needless to say, it was a bit of a distraction as I tried to put together my shows, which fittingly enough were full of wedding counter programming. Once I pulled my head out of the British clouds and got my shows finished, everything was smooth until some silly blow up with my director. I really let it bother me, even though it was Friday and not a huge deal and I know I should have just shrugged it off. I'm too darn sensitive! I could feel the pressure of the tears and I had to will them away...enough of this! I will toughen up and not let these little things hit so close to home. I will give it right back and hold my ground when I think, when I KNOW I'm right! That being said, thank gooooodness this week is over.

Days 281 - 282: An Easter With New Family...

Working in news I've made concessions when it comes to working holidays. I've spent them with friends, at work, with coworkers after work, and even alone. Easter is one of those I've spent alone many times as it's on a Sunday and next to impossible to travel home and back for without falling asleep behind the wheel or at work. So, I was prepared to spend this one alone. Well, not alone, Mr. O. promised to come in for the weekend and we'd have our own little Easter dinner, which was fitting because I'd already put together the cutest Easter basket for him. :) Then he said he wanted me to spend the day with his family...and I got nervous. I don't know why, I've met his family before and liked every one of them! I guess it's just the dynamic of it being a family day, full of tradition and here I am, this newcomer whose interrupting the flow of the day. But, it sounded like it meant a lot to Mr. O. that I come, and honestly I was touched he wanted me to come so much. So off I went with my cherry cheesecake and overnight bag...and I had such a good time! It wasn't awkward staying over with his parents home (except when I sat down to breakfast with no makeup and my hair in a messy ponytail...did I mention I had a volcano growing on my chin??), and it wasn't awkward sitting down to dinner or hanging around the table afterward. I felt completely accepted and really enjoyed myself. So thanks O. family for making a girl feel so welcome and like part of the family. Whatever was I worried about? :)

P.S. Check out how lucky I am? Here I think I'm being so clever playing sneaky Easter Bunny on Mr. O...only to wake up Easter morning to this adorable and so girly pink basket from him! Complete with all my faves, sour watermelons, gummi bears, laffy taffy and a Phillies hat, as he's convinced on making me a fan. No matter how old you get, Easter baskets on Easter morning never get old. Thanks for being so sweet Mr. O.!

Day 276 - 280: A Producing Blur

It's been awhile since I stepped into the producing chair, and whoa, this week has been a blur of news. I'm officially exhausted and once again questioning my career choice more than ever. Morning news can sometimes be sleepy, but when it picks up the pace, it's CRAZY! And, this week has been one crazy day after another. I've left work late everyday, only working out twice this week and struggling with sleep every night. I'm so ready for this weekend! Only to turn around and do it all again next week...I hope I'm just out of practice and it gets a little easier. But there's a spark I'm missing, one that once came alive as I started to put a show together and was fueled as I watched it all unfold how I'd planned. Now it just seems like a frantic race against the clock to finish 2 hours of show...and I can't ever take the time to actually enjoy what I'm doing. This scares me a bit...and makes me realize I have a lot to think about.

Day 274-275: Uh oh, my scary side emerges...

I have never tried to make my struggle with self esteem and depression a secret. It's something I battle with everyday, some days much better than others, and while I try not to call attention to it, I'm not afraid to talk about it. However, the actual emotions, the feelings, the thoughts it can sometimes drag out of me are not things I really want to dump on anyone, especially my boyfriend of only 7 months. So here I am, Saturday night, just a few days after he so adorably surprised me with a visit and treated me like a princess, and I'm feeling this awful self-loathing consume me...all in front of Mr. O. I don't even know where it came from! One minute we're watching a hockey game and goofing around and the next I'm asking myself how he could possibly like me and how much longer til he leaves. How does this happen? Why can't I wrap my head around the fact that he likes me for who I am, that he's not going anywhere, and that I deserve all of this? Is this my addiction? Or is it some sort of disorder that I will never conquer? I can't really explain how I feel when this is all happening, just that there's this incredible feeling of sadness and hopelessness. I tried to curl up alone in my room and ride it out, but damn that Mr. O. for shaking me out of it. Or really I should thank him... I felt terrible though, as it put a damper on the whole evening, and I'm pretty sure he felt like he'd done something wrong. I don't think he understood that it was this war I was waging within myself and unfortunately he had to present for it. But, if he's going to be around awhile, I guess I shouldn't hide part of myself, right? Still, it's not an attractive side of me... Good grief, why can't I just be happy? I'm deciding right now that if it happens again, I'm just going to ask him to hug me and tell me it's going to be alright...because I may not actually believe it, but it's what I want and need to hear.

Day 273: Less than 3 months...

Holy crap, the big 3-0 is less than 3 months away at this point and part of me feels like I've yet to accomplish any of the things I wanted to by this point! I mean, I'm not going to get married and have a baby by July! But, what about my 5K? And, wearing a bathing suit without feeling embarrassed? Or making more money? Hmmm...I think it's time for a bucket list. Nothing huge, just some milestones I'd like to check off the list by the time I enter a new decade. More to come...